Monday, June 30, 2008
This one is the creepiest and best of the series by far. I know a lot of people like to think that New Nightmare is really original because of how it broke formula, but the problem is that it broke a good formula and replaced it with a boring formula. All of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies are good for one reason or other (even Freddy's Dead. That's good for the 3-D part), but this one is trying to play it serious. Freddy is a legitimate threat here, not some ridiculous joker. For instance, does anybody remember in the later movies when Freddy is saying some shit about the power glove that this clown was a fucking child molester who got burned alive out of revenge by local parents? I guess you can't blame this actual good horror movie for that, though. Also, props to Johnny Depp's first movie role as a character named Glenn. Keeping it real for the rest of us, bud. By getting eaten by a bed.
Sorry to put three Spielberg related projects on here in a row. Obviously, everybody loves Back To The Future. But I consider part II to be equally great. Whenever a sequel gets made, people always complain that it's just a retread of the original. So what do they do in this one to combat that? They go back in time to the original movie and have the characters weave around their earlier selves. I think it's pretty genius. And I don't hate part III like I hate the Godfather part III. It's just that here part III seems just like a fun little coda that really doesn't do anything for the series as a whole. Also, the future stuff in part II is set in 2015, so only eight more years until flying cars, guys!
One of the great things about this movie is how music is allowed to mold the shape of the film. Another great thing is the effects. Another great thing is how it really works as an early example of a "hyperlink" movie, which is a term I read about describing those multi-storied movies like Babel, Traffic, or Syriana, in which main characters only briefly intertwine and all work through their own dilemmas. Another great thing about this movie is the special effects. Another great thing about this movie is that I think there is a pretty cute seventies woman in it who wears a t-shirt with no bra on under it and that was hot if I do recall.
I guess it's weird what directors show up on this list multiple times. Richard Donner gets a couple of nods, but Eastwood just gets one? Anyway, speaking of movie theater experiences, one of the best I've had was seeing this at a midnight show in Orlando, and whenever Chunk and Sloth show up on top of the pirate ship at the end the whole theater shouted in unison "HEY YOU GUYS!" It was pretty sweet. But I guess from talking to people if you have never seen this movie before and you try to watch it now it will totally suck. Also, you had a bad childhood.
Yeah, it's tough being a cyborg, but shut the fuck up about it.
Anyways, it's a good read for people who like comics, but doesn't pass the bar for good literary fiction. This book contains: some excellent sentences ("Welcome to my island, assholes."), simple uncomplicated prose, and an unfulfilled promise to turn all comic cliches on their ear.
RATING: 78% (This means that it is better than Saturday Night Live, but worse than The Meadowlands)
(image courtesy of flatrock.org)
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
(image courtesy of wordpress.com)
(Image from charlottefilmsociety.org.)
Friday, June 27, 2008
Why I Am Not An Environmentalist: The Science of Economics Versus The Religion of Ecology
Rating: Am I allowed to give lower than 0%?
Photo: I found that photo at this website, http://carmenrealestate.com, and I swear that is the second photo that popped up when I typed in "broker" for a google image search, and boy doesn't he fit the description?
(image courtesy of an awesome band)
(image courtesy of eveningtalk.com)
It just doesn't work. At 5:00 they haven't even started to cook, and by 5:01 they're a charred, smoking mess. What kind of world do we live in, where a man can't get a handful of hot, delicious nuts whenever he feels like it? Someone should build some kind of nut-roasting appliance. I'll throw money at him or her.
RATING: Burnt nuts - 4%
Homoerotic double entendre - 5%
(Image from www.nutsonline.com. Yes, I'm immature.)
Thursday, June 26, 2008
(Image from Wikipedia Commons.)
When I first heard this album, I wasn't quite sure what to make of it, and I'm still not. It's like punk rock from the year 2045: it's got great production, and it incorporates diverse influences like electronica, jazz, and metal, making it unlike 99% of punk albums out there, including anything else by Refused. I hesitate to call it "important," or "seminal," because, as far as I can tell, no one has been able to touch this sound since, and its "revolutionary" posturing seems a little hokey in a world where Rage Against the Machine became fucking Audioslave. Whatever it is--abrasive, melodic, innovative, weird, and/or charmingly Scandinavian--it's definitely way ahead of its time. Here's a link to New Noise, which was the big single.
(Image from www.edtudiants.phy.ulaval.ca, which is pretty much the most Quebecois web address I've ever seen. French people love these guys, God bless 'em.)
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
I like this movie a lot more than Magnolia. So sue me. Anyway, it proves that the key to getting a great dramatic performance out of a comedic actor is to write some role that exactly mimics all of their faults, but don't put punchlines in. So Adam Sandler, playing the exact same role in this movie as every movie he's ever been in, ends up really being a pathetic presence, in the classic sense. When I saw this in the theater, it was the most people I have ever witnessed walk out in the middle of a movie ever. The sad thing was that I saw it alone, and this cute woman who was also alone sat next to me. So in my head I was like "man, I hope she's liking this movie as much as I am! I'll talk to her about it later and maybe then we can make out or something." But then she got exasperated and left I guess whenever she realized it wasn't The Waterboy Part 2. But who am I kidding? I never would have said anything to her anyway.
As a former trumpet player (and when I saw this for the first time I still thought I would always play) I think this movie is a great jazz/gangster movie. I am not a former gangster, though, so what do I know, since apparently it was a huge box office flop. Well, they can't all be winners.
Some of the movies on this list have a slim grasp on their places. Some, like Thin Red Line, I have seen only once and a long time ago, but they have stuck with me ever since. If I saw them again, I might cut them from the running. I have seen Three Days of the Condor a couple of times, and it's a really great thriller. But I'm iffy about it being on this list for some reason. I was really sick the first time I saw it and didn't pay attention the second time. But I remember it being fucking great. So it stays. Check it out if you like spies and/or conspiracies. Robert Redford is terrific.
(Image from libizblog.files.wordpress.com)
Damien Hirst's work is smug, nihilistic, and morally and aesthetically repulsive. Moreover, I think his exploitation of dead people and animals for his own financial gain is blasphemous on a level that any thinking, feeling creature should be able to understand. He's not an artist, he's an artiste, and celebrity bullshitters like him are one of the main reasons why average folks don't visit art galleries.
(Image from myartspace.com.)
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
The buzz is not a fun one. For me, it was characterized by extreme "out of body" disorientation, a loss of motor control, a sense of dismemberment (the top half of me got up and fell off the couch, while my legs remained sitting down), auditory hallucinations (voices said, "Should we take him with us?"), and a strong and pervasive sense of fear and malevolent weirdness. Also, everything kept rolling to the left, and my horizontal and vertical axes were all messed up. When I came down, after a period of approximately 10 minutes, I was disturbed and agitated for another half-hour or so.
I think some psychedelics, if used responsibly in a therapeutic or spiritually-oriented manner, can be quite beneficial to some people. Salvia, on the other hand, is like a Filipino drag queen knife fight in your head. I don't expect to ever try it again.
(Image from psychoactiveherbs.com)
Monday, June 23, 2008
This movie is my new Christmas tradition. My old Christmas tradition was not having a movie for a Christmas tradition. But this one broke that trend. I quote this movie all the time in every day life, but nobody seems to get it. Like I always say "Well they can't all be winners," in reference to when the kid complains about getting a tylenol in his advent calendar. I just started laughing thinking about this movie, even though this blurb isn't very funny. Ah well! If you want to laugh, maybe you should go rent this or something. What am I, your own personal laugh machine?
Spike Lee is one of my favorite filmmakers in all of history. Definitely top ten. Malcolm X is probably his best movie, but I'm putting it ahead of some other movies of his on this list because I thought of some things to say that I might forget. First, there was a month when I was a freshman in college right after I bought this on tape that I watched it five times. In a month. And this movie is like three hours long. I've only ever done that with Dawn of the Dead and 2001, and those are my two favorite movies of all time. But Malcolm X isn't breaking the top ten in my countdown partly because I think I wore it out, and mainly because the tape switch really messes up the movie. The first half of the movie is kind of a petty thief criminal movie, and then he gets arrested. Then you switch tapes, and it enters more definitely into the political realm and character evolution part of the movie. It creates a great overall project. But having to physically change tapes really emphasized the difference in tone between the two halves, and after a while I would just watch the first half of this movie for Delroy Lindo. So that's why this movie doesn't break my top ten. Eventually when I get it on DVD I guess this problem will work itself out. So maybe it will move up the list a bit. Also, does anybody from the south remember those fucking "You wear your 'X,' I'll wear mine" shirts with the confederate flag on them? That is the key argument in demonstrating that the confederate flag is definitely about hate, not heritage.
This movie is really great because even though the premise is motherfucking zombies, the real meat of the movie is human interaction leading to the disintegration of society. Then that was the real meat of every George Romero movie for the next 40 years. This movie is kind of tame now, but I can't imagine how freaked out people must have been in 1968 to see zombies eating human intestines. Now I think they have a segment on Sesame Street where zombies show the letters of the alphabet by using intestines. Or maybe it's Elmo who does that.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
In the words of Seth Rogen, "Fuck you, hormones."
RATING: 18%, only because being a dude with a pair of tits forces you to come to terms with your anima, which is spiritually very liberating.
(Image of Simon Cowell from Maggao Blog. He and I look almost nothing alike, excepting our pasty, sagging chests.)
...a 1990s female R&B singer who had... a number of wildly successful ballads during that time. She started as a background singer, [but soon became] a solo artist. Her short body was topped with her huge, curly hair... her claim to fame was her rendition of a sexy remake of a song originally done by an 80s icon. (122)
...So am I overshooting, or could this be Whitney Houston? Too big? Think smaller? I don't know. What am I missing? Based on the clarity of this blind item: