Mead

Just buy the whole bottle. I'm serious. Don't bother with the sissy plastic cup for $6.50. You will need to chug at least half of this bottle straight away just to deal with what you will see at the Texas Renaissance Festival. This place is insane, and cold wine made with honey is your only remedy. Sure, it's a lot sweeter than that Pinot Grigio your girlfriend makes you drink when you're dinner at with her friends, but this is what Chaucer drank. And as hard as you try, you'll never be as famous a writer as Chaucer, ha! Mead is best served cold, so once you buy the bottle you should finish it within 15 minutes, I'm thinking.

Pairing advice: Best served with a bag of Kettle Corn.

RATING: 88%

The Texas Renaissance Festival

I'm not sure what history books these people have been reading about the Renaissance, but I think there were probably substantially less fairies, dragons, Imperial Stormtroopers, pirates, and obese people dressed up in revealing outfits in the actual Renaissance than at this fair. That said, this shit is hella fun so check it out if you are in Texas in October/November. It is really big - I thought a Renaissance fair was just a bunch of tents and high school kids arguing about Space Track or whatever but this has a ton of permanent structures and something like 10,000 people a day visiting it. It's really elaborate and for the most part the actors are really cool unless they are doing terrible Asian stereotypes like this one white dude, but whatevs it's awesome.

RATING: 85%

This Shirt I Bought At The Renaissance Festival

Worn this year in Texas? Dork alert! Worn fifteen years from now in any state out of driving distance? Instant hipster cred. I'm not sure which is worse (just kidding).

RATING: 82%