A Christmas Quacker

It's Christmastime in Transylvania. As the residents of Castle Duckula wait for the arrival of Santa Claus, their adversaries draw ever closer. The Crow Brothers, a quartet of dimwitted thieves, are once again attempting to scale the castle walls. While Dr. Von Goosewing, the bumbling vampire hunter, stumbles through the castle eager to use his latest invention against Count Duckula. The Count needn't worry though, his enemies (much like his staff) are not very good at what they do. "A Christmas Quacker" starts and ends very Christmas oriented, but there's a chunk in the middle where Duckula gets lost in a pulpy comic book. It's a bit disjointed, much like the series in general.

Rating: Books%

"Kick [sic] Ass Chicken Sandwich" from the Flying Saucer

If you're at the Flying Saucer and you get the munchies, do the right thing and call a cab to take you to fucking IHOP. Don't get this sandwich, because a) it tastes like old salami, b) the lettuce is nasty bad, and c) vegetarians will be sad because of all the ass chickens that died to make it. Also, don't believe them when they tell you there's jalapeño pesto mayo--that same bitch who talked you into ordering the Dogfish Head 120 is probably sitting in the kitchen laughing as your drunk ass wonders where the mayo is.

RATING: 19%

(Image from http://hoboken411.com.)

Tofurkey

Even when I was experimenting with veganism (ok so it was a two year "experiment," but whatever) in college I never bought one of these things because I heard they were gross. However, last week my roommate and his vegetarian girlfriend bought one and I ended up trying it. How was it? Well, the meaty part was nasty but the stuffing part was okay so together they added up to...um...pretty gross? And the accompanying gravy was disgusting (I gave it one taste and threw out the rest). So yeah, gross. Vegetarians would be advised to skip the fake turkey and eat more mashed potatoes.

Rating: 25% (If I was starving I'd be happy to have it, but if I was a vegetarian I wouldn't bother.)