City of Death

The Doctor and Romana are having a lovely time in Paris when a time slip alerts them to a dangerous plot about to unfold. An alien, masquerading as an aristocrat, has been stealing and selling rare historical artifacts in order to fund his experiments in time travel. And he's about to go for his biggest score yet, the Mona Lisa. City of Death might be Douglas Adams' most beloved contribution to Doctor Who. While he wasn't the sole writer on the serial, his fingerprints are all over it. It's filled with clever ideas and witty dialogue. It's well cast too, with Julian Glover playing the aristocrat/alien and Tom Chadbon playing Duggan, the Inspector who never met a problem he couldn't solve with violence.

Rating: Well, you're a beautiful woman, probably%

Raw

A vegetarian freshman gets majorly hazed at one of those super prestigious veterinary schools you're always hearing about, and after she is forced to eat a pickled rabbit kidney she basically goes hog wild for meat of the human variety.

RATING: 89%

The Massacre of St Bartholomew’s Eve

The Massacre of St Bartholomew’s Eve is a fairly straightforward historical serial. It starts out plainly enough with Steven and the Doctor arriving in France in the days before an epic wave of religious violence. After hitting up the nearest tavern, they decide to split up. The Doctor goes off to find an apothecary and then promptly disappears for the majority of the story. Steven ends up being the primary focus of this serial. He's oblivious to the events going on all around him even though he keeps bumping into and butting heads with all the key players. There's a nice fake out when William Hartnell (the actor who plays the First Doctor) comes in to the story playing another character, the Abbot of Amboise. At first it seems as though the Doctor has become a player in the central plot by disguising himself as one of the conspirators. But then the Abbot is killed and the Doctor shows up. It was just a big coincidence that the Doctor and the Abbot looked and sounded identical. After they're reunited, Steven pleads with the Doctor to help his new friends and intervene in the events unfolding around them but the Doctor refuses, saying that history cannot be changed. This leads to a big blow out between the two of them back on the TARDIS. Steven decides that he can no longer accompany the Doctor and gets off the TARDIS when they re-materialize. Being alone for the first time in a while, the Doctor has a good long mope about his former companions. And then, because the door was left open, in walks Dorothea "Dodo" Chaplet. The Doctor tries to shoo her away and then in runs Steven with the Police close behind. Quickly, the Doctor shuts the doors and fires up the TARDIS, making Dodo their newest travelling companion.

Rating: ___% (Rating Missing)

(Image from Wikipedia)

Eyes Without A Face

This old French horror movie is pretty by the numbers at first - a (mad?) doctor chloroforms random women so he can cut off their faces to transplant onto his disfigured daughter, no big deal. But the great Maurice Jarre score and the human face mask the woman wears in addition to the eerie crescendo of a conclusion make it worthwhile. Also they show some pretty heavy gore for an early 60s flick, especially one from Europe!

RATING: 63%

The Reign of Terror

In his haste to return Ian and Barbara back to their original time and planet the Doctor ends up setting the TARDIS down just outside of Paris during the French Revolution, which just happens to be his favorite era of human history. After a brief period of exploration in the French countryside Ian, Barbara and Susan are all arrested and taken to jail while the Doctor gets knocked unconscious and left behind in a burning building. From there it's a series of schemes and prison breaks as our heros try to avoid a date with the guillotine. The Doctor provides some good comic relief with his impersonation of a French public official while his companions are mostly left alone to contemplate the ethics of participating in historical events while knowing they are ultimately unable to alter the course of history. Two of the serial's six episodes are missing but have been reconstructed for home video in various forms, including animated versions using the original production audio.

Rating: I'm rather tired of your insuations that I am not master of this craft%

(Image from starburstmagazine.com)

Martyrs

Hey, do you like feeling good about yourself and life? If not, then this movie is for you. It is about the same thing every French horror movie post 2000 is about - horrible suffering and pain with no relief (although this one is actually about that, physically and philosophically). France is an interesting country because people from there will always talk about what awful savages Americans are but then they ban mosques from the whole country or make violent garbage like this where non-white girls get tortured to death. In conclusion France has the Louvre but remember that liking Western art is admitting complicity with imperialism you dumb duck!

RATING: TOOMUCHGRADSCHOOL%

(Alternate ending here)

Martyrs

Martyrs is a French horror film from 2008, directed by Pascal Laugier. Horror movie nerds will tell you that Martyrs is part of the recent wave of extreme horror movies coming out of France, films like Frontier(s) and Inside. Martyrs has a somewhat original premise but is marred by a second half that devolves into lengthy torture sequences marked by an almost complete absence of dialogue. Not recommended for the squeamish. Expect an American remake of Martyrs in 2010.

Rating: 55%

(Image from amazon.ca)