Dracula (1979)

Instead of being set in the late 1800s, 1979’s Dracula moves the story ahead to the Edwardian era, just before World War I. It’s still the same story you’ve always known, only now with more gramophones and automobiles. And, while people have always found Dracula sexy, this film might be the first mainstream adaptation to really amplify the “romantic” elements of the story. When Lucy and the Count get down, there’s some seriously 70s mood lighting going on. But don’t worry, it’s not all heaving bosoms, several people get their throats ripped out and you’ve got Donald Pleasence and Laurence Olivier running around trying to kill vampires. So, there’s something for everyone.

Rating: 67%

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House of Dracula

Dr. Edelmann is a very busy man. First, Count Dracula arrives at his door hoping to be cured of his vampirism. Then, Larry Talbot (aka The Wolf Man) comes a'knocking, hoping to be cured of his lycanthropy. Dr. Edelmann takes on both patients but starts to get a little sidetracked after finding the body of Frankenstein's Monster. After Edelmann tries to stop Dracula from turning one of his assistants into a vampire, the Count infects Edelmann's blood which begins to turn Edelmann into a madman. The local villagers start to get pissed off at all of the monsters running around town, which leads to a big confrontation at Dr. Edelmann's castle. House of Dracula, much like House of Frankenstein, tries to pack way too much stuff into a 67 minute movie. None of the characters ever really feel like they get a complete story arc and the continuity between the two films makes little to no sense. John Carradine still doesn't really do it for me as Dracula. Lon Chaney Jr. does a great job, as per usual. And Jane Adams' character Nina, Dr. Edelmann's hunchbacked assistant, is fantastic despite being underserved by the script. I would put House of Dracula over House of Frankenstein, mostly because I felt that the cinematography in House of Dracula was far more impressive.

Rating: 66%

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House of Frankenstein

Dr. Niemann and his hunchbacked assistant Daniel escape from prison with two goals in mind: carry on the work of Dr. Frankenstein and get revenge on everyone who helped put them in jail. To avoid detection, they murder and assume the identities of some travelling showmen who just so happen to have the skeleton of Dracula in their possession. Niemann revives Dracula long enough to kill one of his many enemies but ditches the Count once the law gets on their tail. Soon enough, Niemann and Daniel find and revive the Wolf Man and Frankenstein's monster. From there, Niemann, despite having made various promises to Daniel and the Wolf Man, chooses to spend all of his time working on Frankenstein's monster, which proves to be his own undoing. House of Frankenstein is an interesting but flawed movie. It has the Spider-Man 3 problem where there are too many characters in the movie, many of whom are given short shrift. Boris Karloff and Lon Chaney Jr. are very good in their roles but John Carradine is a little miscast as Dracula. Daniel the hunchback, played by J. Carrol Naish, probably gets the best through line in the movie. 

Rating: 63%

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The Brides of Dracula

Over shots of the Transylvanian countryside, a narrator tells us that "Count Dracula, monarch of all vampires is dead. But his disciples live on..." And so begins The Brides of Dracula. But, you may be asking yourself, why call it The Brides of Dracula if Dracula isn't even in the movie? Is it even, technically, a Dracula movie? Well, if you want to get pedantic about it, there is some validity to that train of thought. However, given that Van Helsing is in the movie, I think we can give them a pass. Especially since they have Peter Cushing once again taking up the mantle of the fearless vampire hunter. The Brides of Dracula is a relatively small movie, there are maybe only two scenes featuring more than five characters on screen at the same time. It's a little slow and fairly chaste compared to some of Hammer's later movies. But The Brides of Dracula has enough going for it to keep it from being a total slog. The opening sequence has similar vibes to the opening of An American Werewolf in London and there's a great scene where the lead vampire sneaks up on a woman while she's looking in a mirror.

Rating: 64%

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Son of Dracula

Proto-goth girl Katherine invites Count Alucard to visit her family's plantation estate. Katherine's boyfriend Frank begins to suspect that there's something going on between Count Alucard and Katherine. Those suspicions are quickly confirmed after Katherine and Alucard get married. Meanwhile, Dr. Brewster's investigation into Count Alucard reveals some sinister details about Katherine's new husband. Son of Dracula plays like an Abbott and Costello movie without Abbott and Costello. It's more of a melodrama than a horror movie. At times it's racist, sexist, jingoistic and goofy. And, perhaps most glaringly, Lon Chaney Jr. is seriously miscast as Alucard/Dracula. The characters keep referring to Alucard as being Hungarian and having just come to the US from Hungary and yet Lon Chaney Jr. makes no attempt to sound Hungarian in the slightest. It should be said that there are some things to like in the movie. Some of the camera work and effects are very well done. The name Alucard, which would become part of the bigger Dracula lore, came from this movie. And, maybe most importantly, a number of scenes in Son of Dracula get referenced in The Monster Squad.

Rating: 61%

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Dracula's Daughter

Dracula's Daughter more or less picks up where the original Dracula ended. Police arrest Von Helsing after finding him standing over the corpse of Count Dracula. Since nobody believes in vampires, Von Helsing is charged with murder and forced to prepare a defense. To represent him in court, Von Helsing enlists the aid of his friend and former pupil, Dr. Jeffrey Garth. Garth agrees to help Von Helsing despite the fact that he is a psychiatrist and not a lawyer. While all of that is going on, we're introduced to Countess Marya Zaleska, Dracula's titular daughter. The Countess steals and destroys Dracula's body, believing that it will cure her of the curse of vampirism. When that fails she turns to Dr. Garth, under the assumption that the Doctor can cure her of Dracula's influence. And when that fails, she kidnaps the Doctor's assistant in order to force Garth into joining her forever as a member of the undead. Dracula's Daughter is probably best remembered today because of its hints of lesbianism. Being that they appear in a movie from the 1930s, these hints of lesbianism are not particularly progressive. Overall, the movie is talky and slow and it fails to live up to the gothic moodiness of its predecessor.

Rating: 60%

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A Christmas Quacker

It's Christmastime in Transylvania. As the residents of Castle Duckula wait for the arrival of Santa Claus, their adversaries draw ever closer. The Crow Brothers, a quartet of dimwitted thieves, are once again attempting to scale the castle walls. While Dr. Von Goosewing, the bumbling vampire hunter, stumbles through the castle eager to use his latest invention against Count Duckula. The Count needn't worry though, his enemies (much like his staff) are not very good at what they do. "A Christmas Quacker" starts and ends very Christmas oriented, but there's a chunk in the middle where Duckula gets lost in a pulpy comic book. It's a bit disjointed, much like the series in general.

Rating: Books%

Drácula

There was a brief period of time when it was cheaper to shoot a movie multiple times in multiple languages rather than to dub a single film into another language for a foreign territory. That's how we ended up with a version of Dracula shot on the same sets as the Bela Lugosi version only with a different cast speaking in Spanish. It's almost the exact same movie, except for a few different camera setups, some slinkier costumes for the ladies, and a couple of scenes that got mentioned but not shown in the English language version. Some hipsters might try to convince you that this version is better than the Bela Lugosi version but they're full of shit. The truth is, they're both good. The Spanish language version is actually a great companion piece to the English language version. It might even be fun to see the two versions spliced together.

Rating: Muy bien%

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Dracula

It's the granddaddy of all vampire movies y'all. Bela Lugosi's portrayal of Count Dracula would go on to be the archetypal depiction of a vampire. The accent, the cape, the medal, the brooding sexuality. Yes, people in the '30s thought Bela Lugosi was sexy. Despite not being as popular as Frankenstein, released a few months later, Dracula was not only a success but a launching pad for the first wave of Universal's monster movies.

Rating: 77%

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Abbott And Costello Meet Frankenstein

Ok, so everybody knows this one I guess. Two bumbling idiots, one fat and one skinny, meet a bunch of Universal Horror monsters, shenanigans ensue. It's called Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, but they spend a lot more time interacting with Dracula and also a mean dude who has them arrested, but maybe it doesn't have the same ring, who am I, Don Draper? Anyway, if you've ever seen an episode of Scooby Doo or The Munsters, you've probably seen all the jokes in this movie.

RATING: 61%

Monster Cereals

These were a lot better before I was a grown-ass man. Ow, my teeth.

RATING: 39%

Nosferatu

As far as blatant copyright infringements go, Nosferatu is probably one of the most famous and best. Basically, it is the story of Dracula, except they couldn't get the rights so they changed "vampire" to "nosferatu" and "Dracula" to "Orlok" (they got sued). It's pretty boring, but the Count looks awesome. But I guess if you wanted to see a better movie that is about this movie you could always check out Shadow of the Vampire, which I forgot existed until just now.

RATING: 50%

Horror Of Dracula

Also known as just Dracula, Horror of Dracula is a movie about this foreign dude named Dracula who likes to drink people's blood. At the beginning of every Dracula movie I always want Jonathan Harker to end up being pals with Dracula, and then maybe they play some board games or go for a nice walk or something, but that's never how it works out. I hate to admit it, but I'm 30 and this is the first time I've ever seen a Hammer horror film. My bad, ok!

RATING: 76%

These Ghoulish Things

A Month Of Halloweenie Reviews #13

This compilation of horror novelty songs from the 50s and 60s is probably one of my favorite albums. Draculas, Frankensteins, and Wolfmans partying together, early rock/late doo wop music, yes please. Yeah, yeah, it's got "The Monster Mash," but the disc is chock full of obscure tunes like "Mummy's Ball" and Screamin' Jay Hawkins' "Feast Of The Mau Mau." In conclusion, I will now be able to make the best Halloween party music mixes for the rest of my life.

RATING: 93%

The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen Vol. 2

Volume Two of Alan Moore's dense graphic novel love letter to 19th Century literature follows the "superhero" team of literary characters assembled in the first volume as they attempt to repel a Martian invasion straight from the pages of War of the Worlds. It's not quite as amazing as the first volume (the team spends most of the book broken into two groups, and three of the cliffhanger reveals involve pods landing on Earth), but it's still a lot of fun to read, and the art is gorgeous. To me, this is more Mr. Hyde's book, as he's the one who seems to go through the most actual character development, although the tryst between Quartermain and Mina Murray is gross/interesting. I haven't read The Black Dossier, and Century certainly looks weird in a good way, but if the series had ended here, I can't say I'd be unhappy with things, if that sounds like a ringing endorsement.

RATING: 83%

Vampires

Vampires suck. They aren't really anything except zombies with table manners. Sometimes a vampire might fall in love with you but don't fall for it, he either just wants to be let in so he can suck your blood or he thinks you're some broad who's been dead for centuries. For some reason if you google "vampires" you get a lot of pictures of people with big boobs and pale makeup, which is a piece of vampire mythos I am unfamiliar with. Maybe Joss Whedon had something to do with that, who knows. Lots of people think vampires are soooo romantic, omg, and you might date somebody like that in high school but don't worry, there aren't any real vampires in Lake City, Florida. In conclusion I would like to use my vampires suck joke again that I made up, and also reiterate that vampires are the least scary of all monsters and also easiest to kill (cross, stake through heart, garlic, sunlight, silver bullet in coffin, beheading, sadness).

RATING: 41%

Bram Stoker's Dracula

#59 on Glenn's Top 100 Movie List

Let's just put aside the fact that Keanu Reeves is a horrible actor and his accent in this movie is fucking ridiculous. There is still a pretty huge number of purely creepy moments in this movie than most other scary movies. Like when Dracula's shadow does some creepy shit? Or when the drops from the perfume bottle drip upward in a highly creepy way? Or when they have to cut off Count Dracula's creepy head? Ooops, spoilers. Don't worry. He comes back to life for Dracula: Dead And Loving It.

RATING: 89%