Chill Zone

Lawrence Limburger, an evil alien disguised as a rich industrialist, unleashes a horde of snow sucking robots to steal all of the ice in Chicago. And he might have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those pesky Biker Mice from Mars. Watching this episode of Biker Mice from Mars, I was stuck by two things: (1) the show's theme song sucks. It's just wailing cock rock, there's no cool lyrics about the origins of the Biker Mice. And (2) the writing on Biker Mice from Mars is terrible. It's all alliteration and bad puns. There was even a subtle knock against the Ninja Turtles at one point. But, let's face it, there wouldn't have been a Biker Mice from Mars show without the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The Turtles walked so that the Biker Mice from Mars could, I don't know, pop a wheelie or something.

 

Rating: A New Orphanage%

Alpha's Magical Christmas

It's Christmas time at the Command Center and Alpha 5 is feeling sad. He misses his best friends, the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. To cheer Alpha up, Zordon teleports a bunch of children to the Command Center to sing songs, bake cookies and help decorate for Christmas. What the fuck am I talking about? Why it's Alpha's Magical Christmas, the direct to video Christmas special featuring Alpha 5, everyone's favorite spastic robot. I was a little too old for Power Rangers when they first hit in North America. I thought the show was weird and cheap looking. I could understand the appeal of the Power Rangers but it was never anything that really stayed with me. I didn't even know that Alpha's Magical Christmas existed up until a year ago. It has a lot in common with We Wish You a Turtle Christmas, because it too is terrible. It's jam packed with Christmas songs sung by a children's choir and it is shot in the softest of soft focus. It's softer than the softest Uhura closeup.

Rating: Rollerblades%

(Image from RangerWiki)