Halloween II (2009) – Director’s Cut

The director’s cut of Rob Zombie’s Halloween II is a mixed bag. Some of the changes in the director’s cut improve the film, while others are really unnecessary. There’s an additional scene during Laurie’s escape from the hospital that fixes a confusing edit in the theatrical cut, but it’s so outlandish that it also kind of spoils the “it was all a dream” reveal at the end of the sequence. There are more scenes of Laurie in therapy which help to explain her mental state. There’s also an entire subplot about Laurie and Annie’s strained relationship, which goes a long way to explain Laurie’s weird waking nightmare about murdering Annie while dressed up as a young Michael Myers. Loomis is an even bigger prick in the director’s cut. And there are even more scenes featuring Sheri Moon Zombie, which shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. There’s a different cut of Sheriff Brackett’s reaction to seeing Annie’s dead body, which is a real bummer because it’s awful. It might be the worst thing Brad Dourif has ever done in a film and it pains me to say that. The ending is also different. Instead of seeing Laurie take out Michael inside the shack, Michael busts through a wall and gets gunned down by the cops. It feels like Rob Zombie was going for something like the ending of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid or The Wild Bunch, but it actually comes off as an inferior retread of the ending to The Devil’s Rejects.

Rating: 54% 

(Image from Wikipedia)

Halloween II (2009)

aka H2

When I sat down to rewatch Rob Zombie’s Halloween II, it occurred to me that I hadn’t seen the movie since it was originally in theatres. Back then, I took umbrage at being asked to show ID at the movie theatre. Now, as an elderly man, no one ever asks me to show ID. One time, a few years ago, I thought I was going to have to show ID and so I asked the young woman at the counter if she needed to see my ID and she kind of did a soft little chuckle to herself before assuring me that it wasn’t necessary. I don’t think she did it to be mean, but, if I’m being honest, it kind of destroyed me a little bit. That was probably ten years ago now, and still that wound has never fully healed. Ah, the sands of time. How they slip through our fingers. But I digress. Having rewatched Halloween II, I’m not sure if it was meant to be a passion project for Rob Zombie or a giant middle finger to anyone who criticized his first Halloween film. Maybe, it’s both. Either way, the Rob Zombie of it all has been significantly amped up for the sequel. The Laurie Strode character went from being a realistically human character spouting unrealistic dialogue to what I have to assume is a stand-in for Sheri Moon Zombie. And while I might be willing to believe that Michael Myers somehow survived getting shot in the face at the end of the first movie, you’ll never convince me that Laurie, a young woman in 2009, wore Kiss t-shirts and had a poster of Alice Cooper in her bathroom. The first hour of Halloween II is focused on the aftermath of the events from the first film. A bleak where-are-they-now for the survivors. Which will be confusing if you didn’t watch the director’s cut of Rob Zombie’s first Halloween. I can definitely remember thinking, “wait, I thought Loomis died in the last one.” Well, in Rob Zombie’s H2, Loomis is very much alive and everyone hates his guts. He doesn’t have much impact on the plot, so I have to assume he’s there just because Rob Zombie wanted to work with Malcolm McDowell again. The last forty-five minutes of the movie hew closer to a typical slasher movie. The finale hints at a possible new direction for the series, but it would seem that this particular pocket of the Halloween franchise has truly been abandoned. Props again to Rob Zombie for some great casting choices including, but not limited to, Howard Hesseman, Bill Fagerbakke, Margot Kidder, Caroline Williams, Octavia Spencer and Sean Whalen.

Rating: 55%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines

After one of their kin gets arrested, a trio of inbred mutant cannibals descend upon the small town of Fairlake, West Virginia. With most of the local law enforcement busy at a nearby festival, only the Sheriff, a drunk and a group of college students are left to defend the police station against the cannibals’ onslaught of violence and destruction. Moving the action out of the deep woods and into civilization makes for an enjoyable twist on the Wrong Turn formula. As does the inclusion of Doug Bradley in the role of Maynard Odets, patriarch of the cannibal clan. But, while those updates to the formula are refreshing, this is still a Wrong Turn movie filled with cheap looking special effects, dumb characters and gratuitous nudity. Wrong Turn 5 borrows heavily from classic siege movies like Rio Bravo and Assault on Precinct 13, along with horror staples like The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Motel Hell and Saw.

Rating: 58%

(Image from IMDB)

Halloween (2007) - Director's Cut

The director's cut of Rob Zombie's Halloween doesn't differ all that much from the theatrical cut. Mostly, it's just a few additional lines of dialogue sprinkled in here and there. The two main differences between the cuts have to do with Michael's escape from Smith's Grove and the fate of Dr. Loomis. In the theatrical cut, Michael escapes from the sanitarium during a prison transfer gone wrong. In the director's cut, in a scene more or less stolen from Kill Bill Vol. 1, Michael escapes from Smith's Grove after some of the sanitarium's employees choose to do some very unsavory things in Michael's room. As for Loomis, the theatrical cut implies that Michael kills Loomis in the Myers' House. While the director's cut includes a scene that makes it clear that Dr. Loomis survives the attack. Even though some of the additional material in the director's cut helps flesh out the characters and the story, I personally think the theatrical cut is the superior version of the film.

 
Rating: 58%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Halloween (2007)

The first 35 minutes of Rob Zombie's Halloween offers up an extended origin story for Michael Myers and the killings that led to his incarceration. It paints a very grim picture of a young boy in a terrible living situation that quickly escalates from killing small animals to multiple homicide. Given the soundtrack, clothing and cars showcased during this sequence, you could reasonably assume that it takes place in the late 70s, but no, apparently it takes place in 1990. What? Anyway, eventually the movie skips ahead to the present, which at the time was 2007, and we get to see a version of the Halloween story we're much more familiar with. Now, Rob Zombie's Halloween has its detractors. And they have some valid arguments. Be it the over-the-top dialogue, ridiculous needle drop moments, gaps in logic and continuity and whatnot and so forth. But, it's not all bad. To give the man some credit, Rob Zombie did manage to cram the cast full of genre movie veterans. From big names like Brad Dourif and Malcolm McDowell all the way down to left field picks like Micky Dolenz and Leslie Easterbrook. So, it's got that going for it.

Rating: 60%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Halloween: Resurrection

Halloween H20 ended with Laurie Strode decapitating Michael Myers, seemingly putting a nice little button on the series. But, as we learn in the opening prologue of Halloween: Resurrection, Michael managed to pull a switcheroo and it was actually a paramedic under the mask that night. Three years later, we catch up with Laurie in a sanitarium, apparently guilt-ridden to the point of unresponsiveness. It turns out, however, that Laurie was just playing psychological possum because when Michael shows up, she has a trap ready and waiting for him. Unfortunately for her, Michael gets the upper hand and Laurie is killed. No need to feel bad for her though because this branch of the continuity will soon be both gone and forgotten. The rest of the movie follows some college kids who have been recruited to explore the old Myers house on Halloween night for a live streaming show called Dangertainment. Their shot at fame and internet glory takes a turn for the worse when Michael comes home. Halloween: Resurrection probably isn't anyone's favorite Halloween movie. But, given that the Rob Zombie and David Gordon Green films that followed it were also met with mixed to poor reception, Halloween: Resurrection might be due for a reevaluation. I'd hesitate to call it underrated, but it's probably not as bad as you remember.

Rating: 63%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later

For those keeping score, Halloween H20: 20 Years Later takes place, appropriately, 20 years after the events of the original Halloween and Halloween II. H20 ignores the events of Halloween III, 4, 5 and The Curse of Michael Myers. H20 suggests that Michael and Loomis survived the hospital explosion in Halloween II, with Michael going MIA after the explosion and Loomis dying sometime in the years that followed. Laurie Strode, having faked her own death, has assumed the name Keri Tate. With Laurie/Keri now living with her 17 year old son in California, where she is the headmistress of a boarding school. In this continuity, Laurie and Michael are still siblings. H20 begins with Michael tracking Laurie down in California right before everybody leaves the boarding school for a big camping trip. Halloween H20 is kinda slow. It takes almost half the movie's running time for Michael to make it to California. The movie's body count is also pretty low. H20's portrayal of Laurie is pretty interesting though. She's wounded but a lot more proactive than we've seen her in the past. It's almost a precursor to the version of Laurie seen in the David Gordon Green Halloween trilogy. H20 has a pretty impressive cast, along with Jamie Lee Curtis there's Josh Hartnett, Michelle Williams, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Janet Leigh and LL Cool J. There's a Creed song given prominent placement in the film, which seems appropriate for a movie released in 1998. And even though this little pocket of Halloween continuity will be dropped after Halloween: Resurrection, H20 manages to be a decent entry in the series.

 

Rating: 69%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Fun Fact: At one point, Scream 2 is seen playing on a TV in a dorm room.

Scream VI

Arriving in theatres a little more than a year after Scream (2022), Scream VI changes things up by moving the Ghostface action to New York City. The film is also set around Halloween, which allows for countless references to other horror movie characters and franchises. The characters that survived Scream (2022) are a little less likeable this time around, as almost every one of them takes some time in the film to acknowledge the trauma that they've been through. The legacy characters feel fairly unnecessary this time around. Fans might lament the absence of Sidney Prescott, but it's hard to say if she would have really added much to the story. The new setting allows for some variety in the kills and set pieces, which keeps the movie from feeling stale. But it also feels like the filmmakers played it safe this time around. It's possible that the quick turnaround between films didn't leave them enough time to really flesh out the plot. Maybe they're just holding back for the next movie. It feels pretty safe to assume that there'll be a Scream VII at some point.

Rating: 65%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Fun Fact: Early on in the film, one of the characters is seen watching Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan.

Batman Forever

Tim Burton's Batman films were meant, in part, to steer the conversation around Batman away from the campy 1960s TV series. Joel Schumacher's Batman Forever is clearly building off of the Tim Burton template, while also steering the conversation back towards the TV series by making everything quippier and slightly less violent. Unlike in the previous films, Val Kilmer's Batman doesn't directly kill anyone. He's not out there blowing up factories or strapping bombs to clowns, but he definitely causes some explosive car crashes and tricks Two Face into falling to his death. Chris O'Donnell's Robin wants to kill Two Face to get revenge for the death of his family, but he also manages to drop the groaner of a line, "Holy rusted metal Batman." Tommy Lee Jones's Two Face is a bit too Joker-y for me, equal parts Jack Nicholson and Cesar Romero. Jim Carrey's Riddler is peak unhinged 90s Jim Carrey. Though I did appreciate that he's essentially a prototypical tech bro. Nicole Kidman doesn't get much to do in the film, alternating between throwing herself at Batman and playing hard to get with Bruce Wayne. Joel Schumacher's sensibilities really shine through in the color palette, whenever possible the shadows are broken up with garish neon. There's a little bit of CGI in the film, which has aged poorly. And the less said about nipples on the bat suit, the better.

Rating: 60%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers - The Producer's Cut

aka Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers

The Producer's Cut of Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers was an early version of the film that bombed badly with test audiences. It was scrapped in favor of reshoots. Even though the Producer's Cut does a much better job of explaining the movie's plot than the theatrical version, it doesn't make for a better version of the movie, just a more coherent one. Most of the scenes involving the Thorn cult and its mythology were changed or removed altogether for the theatrical cut. In the Producer's Cut, Jamie survives her encounter with Michael after escaping from Smith's Grove. We get to see an extended flashback of her being impregnated, where we also learn that Michael is the baby's father. So, incest. After that, Jamie gets murdered in the hospital by the Thorn cult's shadowy leader. The other main difference between the two versions comes in the third act. In the Producer's Cut, after jumping out of a window in the Myer's house, Kara wakes up tied to a sacrificial alter. Tommy is able to rescue Kara and Danny from the cult. During their escape, Tommy uses runes to trap Michael. Loomis goes back into the sanitarium to "take care of business" only to find that Michael has escaped. In the theatrical cut, Kara wakes up in a locked room. Tommy breaks her out, they find Danny and the baby, Michael kills most of the Thorn cult members, Tommy and Michael get into a fight, Tommy beats the shit out of Michael with a pipe and the good guys escape. When Loomis goes back into the sanitarium, he finds only Michael's mask. We hear Loomis's screams and we have to assume that Michael has killed him. I say we have to assume because, of course, Donald Pleasance died before the reshoots took place and therefore not much of his performance could be changed. There are more scenes with Pleasance in the Producer's Cut, with many of them centered around Jamie's character clinging to life after Michael's attack. A lot of the other performances were reshot, mostly for the better, and the film's score is almost completely different. The score in the Producer's Cut is better but is still pretty weak. It's essentially a watered-down version of John Carpenter's original score. Ultimately, most of the differences between the two versions are superficial and inconsequential. The Producer's Cut is, by no means, a lost classic or some horror Holy Grail.

Rating: 60%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

Sometime after the events of Halloween 5, the people of Haddonfield decided that it might be a good idea to stop celebrating Halloween. But for some folks, not being murdered just wasn't a good enough reason to give up a night of candy and costumes. "It's been six years," they said. "What's the worst that could happen?" Well, if you guessed a town-wide massacre, then circle gets the square. You see, the shadowy cult that broke Michael out of jail have been pretty busy for the last six years keeping Michael under wraps at Smith's Grove Sanitarium. They've also kidnapped Michael's niece Jamie and impregnated her. Why would they do that? Unclear. It might have something to do with making Michael immortal by transferring his evil into Jamie's baby. But, if that was their plan, why did the cult also kidnap little Danny Strode, who'd been living in the old Myers house? Also unclear. The Curse of Michael Myers really gets bogged down by the Thorn cult mythology. It doesn't make a lot of sense and it isn't particularly interesting. Donald Pleasence's performance is a little tough to watch as well. He died after principal photography wrapped but before the film's extensive reshoots could begin, leaving Dr. Loomis to confusingly die offscreen. And, much like in Halloween 5, Michael's mask and the movie's music are terrible.

Rating: 62%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers

Despite being gunned down by cops and falling into a mine shaft, Michael Myers manages to elude death at the end of Halloween 4. In a series of events that no one could have possibly predicted, Michael silently crawls away to the safety of a hobo's shack. There, he receives the best possible health care a hobo could offer. A full year passes before Michael wakes up and gets back to doing what he does best. Only Dr. Loomis and Michael's niece Jamie are willing to believe that Michael has returned, while everyone else in Haddonfield has gone back to doubting them. Two things really stood out to me while watching Halloween 5 this time around: the mask and the music in the movie are terrible. I'm pretty sure that they've used a different mask in every one of the movies so far, but the mask in Halloween 5 is distractingly bad. The movie's score is really weak as well. The iconic Halloween theme is barely used and there are a number of moments where Michael emerges from the shadows in complete silence. Part of what makes these movies work is the way the score is used to ratchet up the tension. I guess nobody bothered to tell Alan Howarth that. Halloween 5 ends with Michael Myers being broken out of jail by a mysterious man in black. Surely we can all agree that this surprising turn of events will lead to another exciting and enjoyable installment in this series.

Rating: 60%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

If you thought Dr. Loomis and Michael Myers died in the explosion at the end of Halloween II, then Halloween 4 is here to tell you, "it wasn't as bad as it looked. They're doing just fine." The Halloween franchise never was a stickler for continuity. 1988's The Return of Michael Myers plays out almost like a remake of the original Halloween, except in this movie everyone believes Dr. Loomis and takes the threat of Michael Myers seriously. Halloween 4 also amps up the action with lots of guns and explosions. The movie ends with Michael being gunned down by cops and then falling into a mine shaft, which then collapses on top of him. And, as we all know, the only way a guy could survive something like that would be if, say, a hobo came upon his body and, like, nursed him back to health over a period of months or something. And, I mean, what are the chances of that happening?

Rating: 68%

(Image from IMDB)

Halloween

In this sequel to 1978's Halloween (but *not* the nine sequels or remakes since), Michael Myers busts out of prison to continue his reign of terror, but luckily his sister - oops, no, that was retconned out - his survivor Laurie Strode is ready for him with a house full of booby traps. It's a really well done flick by David Gordon Green, though since Michael Myers has only one movie's worth of kills under his belt it's a little odd to see people so terrified of him. True, he turns out to be a relentless killer, but at first he's just some sixty-something dude who's been in jail for forty years, so what's the big deal?

RATING: 84%

Halloween II - The Television Cut

There once was a time when you couldn't put nudity, violence, profanity or drug use on television. There were only a few stations back then and even fewer shows than we have access to now. Sometimes those stations would want to show movies. But if the movie they wanted to show featured any scenes of nudity, violence, profanity or drug use, those scenes had to be edited. This was often done very poorly. Nobody knows why. Take for instance, Halloween II. The Television Cut of Halloween II edits or removes every scene from the film that featured nudity, violence, profanity or drug use. You may be thinking, "Wouldn't this ruin the movie, seeing as it's a horror movie and horror movies are pretty much required to have scenes with nudity, violence, profanity and/or drug use?" You'd be right, of course. It pretty much ruins the movie. "Then why would you watch the Television Cut of Halloween II?" you might ask. Well, due to the fact that the movie was going to be much shorter without all of the nudity, violence, profanity and drug use, a number of additional scenes were added to the Television Cut. They're mostly additional scenes of dialogue between the hospital staff. "Was anything cool added?" Nope. "Is it worth going out of my way to see this version of the movie?" No, not really.

Rating: 45%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Halloween II

Halloween II isn't as good as the original Halloween, but how could it be? The music isn't as good as the original. The mask isn't as good as the original. Laurie gets sidelined for the bulk of the movie while she recovers from the injuries she sustained during the original. And it sprinkles in some unnecessary back story which will eventually be purged from the mythology of the series. It just doesn't cut the mustard. It cuts a few throats, sure, but not the mustard. And yet, it's not all bad. I've seen The Curse of Michael Myers and Halloween: Resurrection. It's definitely better than those two movies.

Rating: 70%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Halloween II 1/2

On Halloween some goblins sneak into the Ghostbusters headquarters and bust Samhain out of the containment unit. Samhain turns the firehouse into a freaky fortress guarded by ghouls and ghosts. Will Samhain finally succeed in his quest to inflict eternal Halloween on the world? Nope. Samhain gets busted by the end of the episode, never to be seen again. This ends up being a pretty good episode of The Real Ghostbusters though. The animation quality has definitely improved since Samhain's first appearance. The voice cast has changed too, with Dave Coulier replacing Lorenzo Music in the role of Peter Venkman. Janine doesn't sound so Noo Yawk anymore and the Ghostbusters get some help from a trio of kids calling themselves the Junior Ghostbusters.

Rating: 1987%

(Image from sharetv.com)

Halloween

Are you kidding me? It's fucking great. How have we not reviewed this movie before? If you haven't seen it in a while, do yourself a favor and watch it again. It totally holds up. And if you've never seen it before, what the fuck are you doing reading this? Go watch this movie. Go on, git!

Rating: 99.9%

(Image from moviepilot.com)

When Halloween Was Forever

Some goblins release Samhain, the pumpkin-headed spirit of Halloween, from his prison inside an ancient Irish relic. Now free in New York City, Samhain pledges to stop time and make Halloween night last forever. Can an army of ghosts and goblins fend off the Ghostbusters long enough for Samhain to spread eternal darkness across the entire world? Nope. They can, however, make a memorable episode of The Real Ghostbusters, the animated spin-off of the mega-hit movie Ghostbusters. Watching the episode now, you might find it hard to get past some of cheap animation and continuity errors, but as a child I couldn't get enough of characters like Samhain and the Boogieman.

Rating: Nostalgia%

(Image from Netflix)

Garfield’s Halloween Adventure

Garfield’s cultural cred has fallen pretty far in the last twenty years or so, but you can call me a Garfield apologist if you want because I still find some of the old TV specials enjoyable. After revisiting the Christmas special a few years back, I knew it was only a matter of time until I got around to watching Garfield’s Halloween Adventure again. Since it was alright for children’s entertainment in the 1980s to be somewhat frightening, the special combines both family friendly white sheet ghost scares with some freaky murderous pirate ghosts (ghost pirates?). Garfield’s Halloween Adventure used to be my favorite Garfield special, but I’m going to have to give the advantage to the Christmas special now. I guess that makes me a sentimental old sap as well as a Garfield apologist.

 

Rating: Candy, candy, candy%

 

(Image from inbeacima.blogspot.ca)