Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest

So far none of the Children of the Corn movies have been particularly good. The first movie was just alright and the second movie essentially got by on absurdity alone. The third movie felt incomplete and yet overstuffed at the same time. It never really felt like there was a main character in the movie. There were basically four leads and each one of them had a partial story arc. Either it was a beginning and an end with no middle or a middle and an end with no beginning. And despite being set in the big city, there never seemed to be more than 100 or so people around. There were a few moments of quality ridiculousness in the last half hour of the movie that I actually enjoyed, but they hardly made up for the overall sloppiness of the movie.

Rating: It's all direct to video from here%

Fun Fact: Michael Ensign, who played Father Frank, was also in a bunch of way better movies like Ghostbusters, WarGames and House.

(Image from Wikipedia)

Blood Surf

I think Blood Surf was hoping to catch on with extreme sports fans by mixing surfing with sleaze and saltwater crocodiles. The trailer beats you over the head with various in-your-face fonts and radical spellings of the word ‘extreme.’ The movie follows some brain dead surfers and a couple of opportunistic documentarians hoping to shoot some surfing footage in an exotic local teeming with man-eating sharks. They run afoul of a grizzled sea captain (played by Duncan Regehr of Monster Squad fame), some rape-happy pirates and finally a giant killer croc. None of the characters really have any redeeming qualities or self-preservation instincts, which left me hoping for a real downbeat ‘70s style ending where either everybody dies or nobody really survives intact. This, however, was not the case.  

Rating: I wish the croc had won%

(Image from connect.collectorz.com)