The Last American Virgin

The Last American Virgin is simultaneously a raunchy sex comedy and a tender coming of age story about friendship and unrequited love. The film is also jam packed with new wave hits by Blondie, The Cars, Devo, The Police, Journey, Oingo Boingo, and U2, among others. The soundtrack seems to have been a major marketing tool, as many of the bands featured in the movie were also listed on the poster. The Last American Virgin is a remake of the popular Israeli film Lemon Popsicle. Both films were written and directed by Boaz Davidson and were produced by Yoram Globus and Menahem Golan, the go-go boys behind Cannon Films. What makes The Last American Virgin stand apart from similar films is its ending. I won't spoil it here, but I will tell you that it's a surprisingly poignant gut punch of an ending. 

Rating: 63%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Fun Fact: Lawrence Monoson played Ted, the vintage porn enthusiast, in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter and Diane Franklin played Monique, the French foreign exchange student, in Better Off Dead.

Rockula

 

A dweeb vampire has a girlfriend who keeps getting murdered on Halloween whenever she meets him and then reincarnated to start all over again. Well how do ya win over a woman who dies when she meets you? You start a rock band! He also raps! The movie is charming but it would be a definite classic if the songs were any good. It’s got Bo Diddley, Toni Basil, and Thomas Dolby for Christ's sake!

RATING: 58%

Maximum Overdrive

 

A comet's tail covers Earth in space dust, bringing all machines to life! Well, not *all* machines, since a gun is a machine and those seem fine, but probably best not to think about whatever spurious iotas of science may or may not exist here. A rag tag group of strangers including Lisa Simpson, Gus Fring, and Emilio Estevez wind up trapped by a bunch of 18 Wheelers in a truck stop, sort of like a car version of Night of the Living Dead. People (including Stephen King, who wrote, adapted, and directed the movie) hate this one, but I think it's great - it'll kill anyone (including children), and the broad daylight that most of the movie takes place during gives it a very different feel than any other 80s horror flick. 

RATING: 79%

I Was A Teenage Zombie

This is one of those weird shitty movies like Redneck Zombies that although it is bad and was made for no money, it still has a sort of charm that makes it legitimately (non-MST3K style) enjoyable. The plot is some guys accidentally turn their drug dealer into a crazed zombie and they have to stop him from killing all of them. Great post-punk soundtrack don't hurt nobody neither.

RATING: 59%

Sister by Sonic Youth

If somebody is trying to be different and not claim Daydream Nation as their favorite Sonic Youth album, they'll probably claim Sister. It immediately preceded DN, but whereas the later album is more interested in long experimental noodling, this album is a lot of radio length songs with surprising listenability for the average dude/tte who hates Sonic Youth. Actually, it's a great album, with the best opening track of all time, so I guess you should listen to it and remember the glory of the roaring 80s.

RATING: 91%

EVOL by Sonic Youth

This was Sonic Youth's first album with its lineup of the past quarter century. Listening to it always reminds me of band trips, or riding the bus to school, since I think it was only the third Sonic Youth album I bought. It's a pretty great album, but too bad I can't listen to it without being reminded that Sonic Youth appeared on Gossip Girl to play an acoustic version of "Star Power" from this album. Ow, my childhood!

RATING : 81%

Bad Moon Rising by Sonic Youth

Usually when people ask what Sonic Youth album to start with, I say Daydream Nation or Goo or something. The album furthest from the top of that list would be Bad Moon Rising, an album which almost entirely eschews melody (even by Sonic Youth standards) for sound collages and woven noisescapes. It's my third favorite Sonic Youth album. The song "Death Valley '69" is the most listenable to the uninitiated, but everybody's heard that one, so here's some other links.

RATING: 92%

Confusion Is Sex by Sonic Youth

This is not one of my favorite Sonic Youth albums. I've always thought the recording sounded so flat, and it makes a lot of the songs uninteresting. Well, it turns out that they spent a few days recording it, then accidentally put all the tapes on top of one of their speakers because Thurston Moore didn't know magnets erase tapes (you big dummy!). Then they had to rerecord the whole thing in like three hours. I guess that makes sense, since their first EP sounds really great, and their second EP, Kill Yr Idols, which is included on the only version of this you'll ever find, also sounds great. I dunno, buy it if you want, but there's like 14 or 15 Sonic Youth albums you should buy first.

RATING: 51%

Reign In Blood by Slayer

The other day Quammy posted this video on the Facebook, and it reminded me that I haven't heard this album since high school. It's pretty good I guess, although basically everything about Slayer is what people make fun of about 80s metal bands-- obsession with Satanism, fast wailing licks, ridiculous hair, and vague neo-Nazism. Wait, that last one isn't a stereotype of 80s metal bands. Oh, right, that's why I could never really get into the band in the first place. Well, the music is still alright.

RATING: 61%

Ted Leo's Cover of "Everybody Wants To Rule The World"

The A.V. Club, the semi-serious pop culture offshoot of the Onion, started their Undercover project a few months ago. Inviting bands into their office to play cover songs from a predetermined list of tracks. The first entry in the project, my favorite so far, was Ted Leo And The Pharmacists doing a cover of the Tears For Fears song "Everybody Wants To Rule The World." As corny as it sounds, Ted Leo's cover more or less redeemed the song in my mind. I recommend checking it out along with most of the other tracks from the Undercover project. There's even a Depeche Mode cover, if you're into that sort of thing.

Rating: 85%

(Image from adage.com)

25 Days or Less of Christmas Songs - #25: Christmas in Hollis

Run DMC's "Christmas in Hollis" has to be one of my all time favorite Christmas songs. And not just because it's featured in one of my all time favorite movies (Die Hard) either. When I decided to start this Christmas song project, I knew I was going to feature "Christmas in Hollis" as the pièce de résistance of the series. I just had no idea how much schlock I'd have to wade through first. So that's it, the project is finished. Merry Christmas. 

Rating: Gold rope chains% 

(Image from Wikipedia)

25 Days or Less of Christmas Songs - #22: Christmas at Ground Zero

Generally speaking, "Weird Al" Yankovic's parody songs are pretty tame. There's no swearing in them and the subject matter skews PG. So it's odd that two of the very few songs in his catalog that are considered "dark" are both Christmas songs. The first, "Christmas at Ground Zero," is a style parody of traditional Christmas songs, wherein Mr. Yankovic elaborates on holiday celebrations amid imminent nuclear annihilation. The other, "The Night Santa Went Crazy," describes a scenario in which Santa's reindeer and toy making elves are tortured and/or murdered after Santa goes on a killing spree.

Rating: Twinkie wiener sandwich%

(Image from chrismasto.com)

25 Days or Less of Christmas Songs - #21: Reggae Christmas

Five words: Bryan Adams' "Reggae Christmas," wow. While doing this Christmas song project I've listened to and watched videos for quite a few different songs, all of varying quality. However, I don't think I was quite prepared for Bryan freaking Adams' "Reggae Christmas." Initially, I thought I'd just make some jokes about Bryan Adams' being inspired to record the song while he was high (see also: Paul McCartney's "Wondeful Christmastime"). But then I saw the video, three and a half minutes of Pee Wee Herman in a horrible dread wig dancing around an MTV studio while Bryan Adams and his band mime playing the song on stage. Wow.

Rating: My mind is blown%

(Image from musicvideosthatsuck.com)

25 Days or Less of Christmas Songs - #17: Thank God It's Christmas

So there used to be this band called Queen and back in 1984 they put out a single called "Thank God It's Christmas." I guess they called themselves Queen because they were British, but that's still kinda weird when you think about it, because there were only guys in the band. You would think that they'd have called themselves King or something, oh well. They had some hits, I guess, and then their lead singer died in '91. Which is a real shame, because as far as I can tell, he never got a chance to meet a nice lady, settle down and get married.

Rating: Mince pie%

(Image from Wikipedia)

25 Days or Less of Christmas Songs - #16: The Twelve Days of Christmas

Released on their 1981 album The Great White North, Bob and Doug McKenzie's version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" has since become the definitive version of the classic Christmas song. It's a real beauty, eh? I mean, you can't even turn on the CBC these days without hearing it between hockey games. I was going down the road the other day to get a two four of Molson, right, and some buddy was like, "hey, you ever hear the version of "Twelve Days of Christmas" with John Denver and the Muppets?" And I was like, "take off, you hoser." That's a true story, eh.

Rating: Beer and back bacon%

(Image from Wikipedia)

25 Days or Less of Christmas Songs - #3: Merry Christmas (I Don't Want to Fight Tonight)

A true Ramones fan is always willing to forgive some of the band's more questionable artistic decisions. Which leads me to the inclusion of their foray into the Christmas song canon, "Merry Christmas (I Don't Want to Fight Tonight)." The song itself serves as both a means of extending holiday well-wishings and as a plea for domestic harmony. It's also loud, fast, and around two minutes long. So essentially, it's not that much of a departure from the rest of the Ramones song catalog.

Rating: Elf bowling%

(Image from c-60lownoise.blogspot.com)

A Month of Boring Things - Day Nine: The Articles of Confederation

Not in my house you don't!












Rating: I'mrunningoutofsteam%


Also, Michael Jackson just died.

Candy Apple Grey by Hüsker Dü

I never really listened to Hüsker Dü, which I always felt the same sort of guilt about as I did for never really listening to Dinosaur Jr. Both bands are major influences and contemporaries of Sonic Youth, although based on this album I guess I'd say Hüsker Dü has more traditional song structure and is way more boring. This album is ok, but when they break out the acoustic guitars I want to break out the cyanide because it is tres lame. Anyway, one good thing about this band is that they have umlauts.

RATING: 51%

PS - You can thank Warner Bros. for making it impossible to find videos for this band, just like The Flaming Lips the other day.

You're Living All Over Me by Dinosaur Jr.

Dinosaur Jr. is a band from the 80s that is sort of like Sonic Youth if they crashed into 70s guitar solos and left a lot of rubble, and I mean a lot. Everybody says this is their best album, and I guess it inspired "Teenage Riot" which is awesome, but it's not really as palatable as SY to be honest. I can imagine I'd be in love with it had I bought it in high school, but now it's just tough to learn to digest a relatively new sound. Guess I'm old, but "them's the breaks" (Christopher Marlowe).

RATING: 67%

The Whitey Album by Ciccone Youth

Ok, Ciccone Youth is really Sonic Youth, you guys figured it out. The Whitey Album was Sonic Youth's first real pure experimental album. It has a lot of songs that have no words, one that has no music and just words, one that has no music or words, and a lot of other weird covers and samples of 80s songs that I hardly believe would have been legal after Grand Upright Music, Ltd. v. Warner Bros. Records, Inc. The album accurately reflects the 80s: misdirected excess that occasionally results in accidental genius. I can't recommend this album to you, but here are some tracks and if you like them then I guess you can buy the album, although there are at least a dozen other SY records you should pick up first.

RATING: 59%