Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Relics"

The ship finds Scotty, and La Forge is at first mean to him but then warms up to him whenever they have to band together to rescue the Enterprise from a giant space bubble.

RATING: 61%

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

Kirk, Spock, McCoy, et al have to work through some old people racism in order to save the galaxy from a political conspiracy.

RATING: 84%

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

I kinda think the budget problems and sloppy direction make this movie  feel most like a TOS episode of all the movies. Anyway, some religious fanatics take over the Enterprise in order to find... Eden... hmm.

RATING: 81%

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

The crew of the HMS Bounty (nee Enterprise) must travel back to the 1980s to save the whales. This one manages to skate by the cloyingly ridiculous plot by having terrific character moments from every one of the bridge crew.

RATING: 77%

Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

Spock maybe isn't so dead after all so Kirk breaks McCoy out of a mental hospital, steals and blows up the Enterprise, and kicks Judge Doom into a lava pit in order to save him.

RATING: 100%

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

Kirk's old pal Khan steals a wmd so the good admiral has to stop him with a ship full of students while patching things up with his estranged son. I don't have to tell you things don't work out so great for everybody involved.

RATING: 100%

Star Trek: The Motion Picture

Kirk and all the old gang team up to stop a giant space cloud from eating planet earth, featuring at least four lengthy sequences of crazy color effects that ought to be choice cuts for any stoner.

RATING: 90%

Star Trek - "The Counter-Clock Incident"

The ship falls through a door to another universe where time moves backwards and everybody becomes kids.

RATING: 58%

Star Trek - "Bem"

An alien exchange student who can split his body up into pieces accompanies the Enterprise landing party on a mission and fucks everything up big time.

RATING: 49%

Star Trek - "The Pirates of Orion"

Spock gets a lethal case of the space sniffles so the Enterprise must get him some medicine that has, unfortunately, been stolen by Orion pirates.

RATING: 65%

Star Trek - "The Practical Joker"

While escaping some Romulans the Enterprise runs through a space storm which infects the computer with a major case of the sillies. It starts playing hilarious jokes on the crew like hitting Scotty with a pie, getting the ship high on laughing gas, and nearly killing Sulu, McCoy, and Uhura in the holodeck. Ok maybe you had to be there for that last one.

RATING: 70%

Star Trek - "How Sharper Than a Serpent's Tooth"

Ok, just take the plot of Who Mourns for Adonais and sub in Kukulkan for Apollo.

RATING: 68%

Star Trek - "All Our Yesterdays"

Checking out a planet whose star is about to explode, Kirk, Spock, and McCoy wind up trapped in its past, where Spock falls in love with an ice woman and Kirk is jailed for witchcraft.

RATING: 79%

Star Trek - "Turnabout Intruder"

This is by far the worst episode of TOS, and one of the worst episodes of any Trek. Its rampant misogyny makes it almost impossible to watch, even for the sake of kitsch.

RATING: 0%

Star Trek - "The Savage Curtain"

Some curious rock people make an all star team of "good" (Kirk, Spock, Abraham Lincoln, and Surak) deathmatch an all star team of "evil" (Genghis Khan, Kahless, Colonel Green [who?], and Zora [not Neale Hurston]).

RATING: 52%

Star Trek - "Requiem for Methuselah"

Kirk has to fight Leonardo da Vinci over who gets to love a robot.

RATING: 61%

Star Trek - "The Way to Eden"

An anti-vaxxer and his flock of space hippies steals the Enterprise to travel to Eden, aka Planet Acid.

RATING: 73%

(Alternate Ending)

Star Trek - "The Cloud Minders"

A fancy city "with no violence" and which "focuses on art" winds up being a bunch of aristocratic one percenters who rose to power on the backs of the poor.

RATING: 78%

Star Trek - "Plato's Stepchildren"

Rushing to help out some adult god-children, the Enterprise gets (of course) held hostage and Kirk, Spock, Uhura, and Chapel are forced to put on a space pageant with like no rehearsal time.

RATING: 67%

Star Trek Continues - "Pilgrim of Eternity"

The Enterprise comes across a decrepit Apollo, and as the ship is disabled by some space goo he starts getting people to worship him again, which makes him younger and more virulent (hubba hubba).

RATING: 80%

(Where to place: Between That Which Survives and Plato's Stepchildren.)