Tuna

I can't pretend to be able to review tuna as a fish, so this review is going to focus on its status as a symbol of good lunch and deliciousness. Right and right on both accounts. Look, a tuna fish sandwich is great and we can all agree on that, and I really can't believe it when people say that they hate tuna or have never even had a tuna melt. Ten years ago that might have been believable I guess, because of dolphins in the nets or whatever, but now in this day and age some people have never even tried it? EAT SOME TUNA! In Wanted, there was a scene where the main dude, after becoming an assassin, does a whole bunch of boring training moves for like seven hours. We, the audience, are supposed to go "Oh, snap! That shit is so badass!" but I think it was obvious that everybody in the whole theater was just wishing they had a tuna melt, or a tuna salad sandwich, or even a spicy tuna roll of sushi. In conclusion, tuna is a hell of a lunch staple.

RATING: 87%

Wanted

I didn't go into this movie with very high hopes, and for the first thirty minutes or so, the movie's charming stupidity and insane over-the-topness really won me over. But then it started becoming really boring and predictable. Anyway, the plot of the movie is this really white dude who lives in the movie Fight Club (the surreal office part of it, not the fighting part) suddenly finds out that his father was a top killer in this secret league of assassins. So his father is killed or something and they get him to join because he has some crazy ability that is genetic and that allows him to slow down time for himself. Hilarity ensues and a lot of killing, but maybe I'd wait for cable on this one chief.

RATING: 59%