It Came Upon a Midnight Clear

Steve and Carl head out to the woods of Wisconsin to score a free Christmas tree, only to get lost after it starts to snow. Meanwhile, back at the Winslow homestead, Laura must choose between Curtis and Stefan. At this point in the series, Stefan Urquelle was no longer Steve’s cool alter ego and was a fully independent clone of Steve that had been permanently transformed into Stefan. Things like that happened a lot on 90s sitcoms that maybe ran a little too long. Richie is mentioned in the episode but does not appear. And, sadly, by this time my favorite character, Waldo Geraldo Faldo, was no longer a part of the show.

Rating: FIVE GOLDEN RINGS, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree%

The Great Outdoors

For Chet Ripley, it was going to be the perfect vacation. A week on the lake in Wisconsin, far from the hustle and bustle of Chicago. Nothing but fishing, family bonding and hot dogs. But that was before Chet's brother-in-law Roman showed up. As much as I love The Great Outdoors, it's a bit of a shaggy dog story. The crux of the plot doesn't really come in to play until the third act. Based on the film's trailer, there were probably a number of deleted or alternate scenes that didn't make the final cut. And, given the movie's lukewarm reception, there likely won't be a Planes, Trains and Automobiles-style home video release containing the lost footage. That said, I couldn't care less. I grew up watching The Great Outdoors and have endless affection for John Candy and Dan Aykroyd.

Rating: 80%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Christmas Story

Step by Step ran for seven seasons, from 1991 to 1998. It was made by some of the same people that made Family Matters, Steve Urkel even made an appearance on Step by Step's second episode. It was another big, broad 90s sitcom with a big cast. It had the same setup as the Brady Bunch, two single parents marry and form a large blended family. The show's breakout character was Cody, a goofy stoner/surfer-type with endless hidden skills and a stealthy wisdom beyond his years. In "Christmas Story," Frank and Carol (played by TV veterans Patrick Duffy and Suzanne Somers) realize on Christmas Eve that they've forgotten to pick up some important presents for their kids. Frank, a contractor, just so happens to have the keys to a toy store he's remodeling, so he and Carol let themselves in "with intent to purchase." Unfortunately for them, they're arrested by Deputy Feif (played by special guest star Don Knotts, in a not-so-subtle homage to his character on the Andy Griffith Show). Back at home, the kids are so consumed with opening presents that they don't even notice that their parents are missing. Thankfully, Cody is there to teach everyone an important lesson about the true meaning of Christmas.

Rating: Fried Chicken%

Fun Fact: Suzanne Somers and Don Knotts were both on Three's Company.

Silent Night

Someday we'll look back on the era of horror movies from the early 2000s and 2010s and we'll have name for it. Like Film Noir, we'll find some snappy label for the look and tropes of the genre. Silent Night will definitely be a part of that yet-to-be-named genre. It's got all the hallmarks: shaky handheld camera work, a desaturated color palette, CGI blood, a nu metal soundtrack, and it gets bonus points for being a remake. It's not, however, a straightforward remake of Silent Night, Deadly Night, even though it takes a few things directly from the original. Silent Night is a movie about small town cops trying to stop a sadistic serial killer in a Santa suit. It's kind of like if Rob Zombie remade Fargo. It's competently made and there are at least 3 recognizable/credible actors in it. Most notably it features Malcolm McDowell playing the Sheriff of a small Wisconsin town for some reason. It's technically better than any of the other Silent Night, Deadly Night films, but I would sooner go back to watch a crazy piece of shit like The Toy Maker than the lukewarm bore that is Silent Night.

Rating: 54%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Visions of Deadly Nights Past:

Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five

Guess Who's Coming to Christmas

It's Christmas Eve in Milwaukee and Mr. C has laid down the law. There'll be no friends or guests in the Cunningham home for the holidays. It'll just be the family. Trimming the tree, making popcorn and drinking warm apple cider by the fire. But on his way home from the hardware store, Richie beings to suspect that Fonzie is going to be all alone for Christmas. Sure, the Fonz puts up a cool front. He regales anyone who asks about the family celebration waiting for him in Waukesha. But the truth is, he has nowhere to go. And if you think that the Fonz ends up spending the holiday alone, it's possible that you've never seen a TV show before. "Guess Who's Coming to Christmas" aired during the second season of Happy Days, when the show's ratings were in decline and it was in danger of being cancelled. For the following season, the show was restructured and Fonzie became a much more prominent character. The show would go on to run for eleven seasons, spawning several spin-offs.

Rating: A Three in One Wrench%

Fun Fact: "Guess Who's Coming to Christmas" features the final appearance of Chuck Cunningham, Richie's older brother. I've only ever seen a couple of episodes of Happy Days that featured Chuck. He liked playing basketball and he wasn't very smart. I'm really not sure if there was more to him than that.

Schlitz Beer

A Beer For Every State #7 - Wisconsin

Schlitz is the beer that made Milwaukee famous in the same way that killing and exhuming women in order to make a lady suit out of their skin was the act that made Ed Gein famous.

RATING: 11%