Condoms

Some of our very own reviewers have been told nasty lies about condoms by their "sex"-ed teachers. While that's unfortunate, I think it's even more unfortunate when people pretend they don't understand what condoms are for, or why it's good to use them. Guys who complain about condoms are one thing, but since I'll never be able to impregnate some chick and then whine because I don't want to dip into my Mac Air fund to pay for her abortion, I will focus on the girls who like to complain loudly and publicly how they hate condoms and omg never use them lol. First, this is like saying that you don't like having hugs zits on your nose. No duh. But I don't know if they advertise this in hopes that their Blackberries will suddenly start buzzing with offers of sex from guys too lame to want to suit up, or in hopes that denouncing condoms will make them sound really sex-positive and liberated. In truth, any smart girl that liberated should love her condoms. The brands and types of condoms at any drug store practically outnumber the lip balms; if you haven't found any that you like, chum, you haven't been looking hard enough. Sure, you can pop some penicillin for almost anything you pick up along the way, but there's nothing we can do yet about HPV. Without even pausing to think about it, I know of 5 women who have a precancerous type of HPV. So, without doing the math, that means that a shitload of women you know have it, too. One of these women is in her mid-20s and has already had to have a lot of painful scraping done to places that should never be scraped. That means that while we women are trying to be cute about how much we hate icky sticky condoms, we're disrespecting our poor cervices. And in the long run, your cervix will probably do more for you than will some guy who refuses to wear condoms. Cervix4eva! *

RATING: 85% *(condoms don't totally protect against HPV. Sucks!)