Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers

The first Sleepaway Camp movie, released in 1983 during the "Golden Age" of slasher films, was a whodunit. The film's notoriety and continued popularity (?) is due almost entirely to the reveal of the killer's identity. In Sleepaway Camp II, we learn who the killer is in the first five minutes. Released in 1988, and followed by another sequel in 1989, Sleepaway Camp II is exploitation for the sake of exploitation. The nudity is gratuitous, the kills are frequent and ridiculous, and the story lacks any sense of logic. If the first Sleepaway Camp film was Gremlins, then Sleepaway Camp II would be Ghoulies Go to College.

Rating: 52%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Da Sweet Blood of Jesus

I must confess that I have never seen Ganja and Hess, the cult classic this is a remake of, but this one is terrific. It's definitely boring, and it's not exactly scary, but Spike Lee's careful pacing and beautiful cinematography paired with great performances and a killer soundtrack create a melange of sorrow and dread that's difficult to put out of one's mind. You could say this is one vampire movie that doesn't su--(Glenn has been fired from R3 for even attempting that joke.)


Saturday, October 3, 2015

The Crazies

If you look up "The Crazies" on IMDB, the first search result you get is for the 2010 remake. And that's probably because it has over 87 thousand user review scores. The original 1973 version of The Crazies has less than 8 thousand user review scores and let me tell you, that's a damn shame. For whatever reason I, and apparently countless other horror movie fans, had never seen this movie before. I was missing out and if you haven't seen it yet, you are missing out. It's the missing link between what Night of the Living Dead was and what Dawn of the Dead would eventually become. And yet, there isn't a single zombie in it.

Rating: 73%

(Image from impawards.com)

Friday, October 2, 2015

The Babadook

I'm not sharing any kind of news here, but this movie is one of the best and most terrifying horror movies made in this century. A woman dealing with the anniversary of her husband's death and also a weirdo son has also a ghost or monster type thing to deal with which is not exactly a thrill for her. Anyway, I'd like to think I'm a big boy or whatnot but I definitely almost had a panic attack in the theater when I saw it, so check it out!

RATING: 100%

Thursday, October 1, 2015


Maniac has managed to achieve cult status among horror fans for two reasons: Tom Savini’s special effects and Joe Spinell’s unhinged performance as the titular maniac. Because much the film was shot at night without the proper permits, it presents an eerily spare New York City. Aside from the lovely Caroline Munro, most of the cast is made up of porno actors who had previously worked for the director. Famously, critic Gene Siskel walked out of a screening of the movie after one particularly gory effects sequence.
Rating: 62%
(Image from bloody-disgusting.com)

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Attached"

Beverly and Jean-Luc get captured and are given implants so they can read each other's thoughts heh heh heh ��.


Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Dark Page"

If I was a talk show host I would always introduce the guests by the worst thing they've ever appeared in, for example I might say "You may remember our next guest, Kirsten Dunst, from the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode 'Dark Page,' give her a hand everybody!"


Sunday, August 30, 2015

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Phantasms"

Data has some freaky nightmares and Sigmund Freud shows up to make a couple dick jokes.


Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Interface"

Geordi's mother's starship goes missing while he's in a virtual reality robot.


Saturday, August 29, 2015

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Invasive Procedures"

A Trill who got rejected for slug implant comes on board to steal Jadzia's symbiote.


Friday, August 28, 2015

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "The Siege"

Ok so maybe those rebels were being manipulated by the Cardassians all along! Also I know they're a fake space alien species made up for tv but I still get pretty uncomfortable when somebody (O'Brien) calls them "cardies" or "spoonheads."


Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "The Circle"

Kira gets fired by Bajoran rebels and then as a follow-up the rebels seize power and kick Starfleet off DS9.


Thursday, August 27, 2015

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "The Homecoming"

Kira and O'Brien rescue a Bajoran from a secret illegal warcamp and then all the Bajorans are like "cool be our new leader guy!"


Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Gambit"

Picard goes undercover as a space pirate but I feel like Starfleet should have one or two other operatives who may be better suited for this mission than their most famous starship captain idk.


Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Liaisons"

Some aliens on an exchange program force Picard, Worf, and Troi to show them love, chocolate, and rage.


Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Descent"

Data's evil twin takes over a bunch of lost puppy Borg types.


Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "In The Hands Of The Prophets"

A Bajoran bishop comes on board to criticize Keiko for not teaching creationism in her science class (basically).


Monday, August 24, 2015

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Battle Lines"

Sisko, Kira, Bashir, and the Bajoran pope crash on a planet where everybody gets brought back to life when they die to fight a forever war. Not great but hey it's the only bad episode of the first season so whaddaya gonna do?


Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Vortex"

Odo helps out a criminal from the gamma quadrant because the dude claims he's met some other changelings once he thinks, but shouldn't like everybody from the GQ know about the changelings???


Sunday, August 23, 2015

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Timescape"

Picard, Data, Troi, and La Forge come back from a conference to discover a frozen Enterprise. I mean frozen in time not ice cold.


Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "The Nagus"

Quark gets promoted from bar owner to king of the Ferengi which seems like it may skip a few steps in the Nagusential Order of Succession.


Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Duet"

A Cardassian war criminal messes with Kira's vengeance drive.


Saturday, August 22, 2015

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Move Along Home"

The senior staff of DS9 get turned into pieces of a board game.


Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "The Forsaken"

A spacy computer program comes through the wormhole and meanwhile Lwaxana Troi sets her sights (her horny sights) on Odo.


Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Dramatis Personae"

This is like the 30th first season episode where some external force causes members of the crew to act out of character but tbh the same can be said of the first season of TOS.


Friday, August 21, 2015

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Dax"

This is sorta like that Johnny Cash song "Long Black Veil" but with space creatures.


Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "If Wishes Were Horses"

A classically absurd episode in the style of TOS where Runplestiltskin and a gaggle of other imaginary people show up and cause mayhem.


Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Rightful Heir"

Worf takes a little spiritual retreat just in time for Klingon Jesus to return from the dead.


Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Progress"

Kira has to convince a stubborn old man to relocate for the power company and meanwhile Jake and Nog start a small local business.