Sunday, May 24, 2015

Star Trek: Starfleet Corps of Engineers - "Interphase Book Two"

They beat the Tholians and rescue the old Defiant so finally all those desiccated corpses can be returned to their great grandchildren!

RATING: 51%

(Where to place: About a half year after the end of the Dominion War.)

Star Trek: Outpost - "What Could Be So Bad?"

A new commander takes over Deep Space Three, a station that borders the Ferengi and the First Federation, the chief exporters of tranya.

RATING: 46%

(Where to place: During the first season of TNG, between Too Short A Season and When The Bough Breaks.)

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Star Trek: Enterprise - "Beneath The Raptor's Wing"

The Romulan War officially starts and the Vulcans, Andorians, and Tellarites are all like "um, you got this by yourself, right Earth?"

RATING: 36%

(Where to place: A year after Enterprise concludes.)

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "The Lotus Flower"

After moving to Cardassia, a planet full of people O'Brien routinely uses slurs against, his whole family gets embroiled in a terrorist plot.

RATING: 42%

(Where to place: After the events of Unity, before Nemesis).

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Outrageous Okona"

Oh, he's not that outrageous.

RATING: 50%

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Star Trek: Voyager - "Cloud Walkers"

Issue 13

Voyager busts up some pirates on a gassy planet covered in valuable green farts. The cover claims this is Part 5 of Telepathy War, but there's only like two panels where Kes has some magic connection to the events in the Alpha Quadrant happening in Marvel's other Trek books at the time.

RATING: 53%

(Where to place: During Season three, between Before And After and Real Life.)

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Elementary, Dear Data"

I'm glad whenever I play a video game on extreme difficulty it doesn't become sentient and threaten the whole neighborhood.

RATING: 66%

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Where Silence Has Lease"

A lonely space void envelopes the Enterprise to experiment on them to learn what it means to be alive, exactly like that fake kid from last episode.

RATING: 31%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Child"

An mysterious space light impregnates Troi against her will but everybody's like aw, cute kid!

RATING: 7%

Monday, May 18, 2015

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "A Time To Die"

God Wesley has to pop in to clear Picard's name from the starship-sized shapeshifting antimatter Dracula that framed him in A Time to Be Born.

RATING: 61%

(Where to place: Early in the year leading up to Nemesis.)

Star Trek: Voyager - "Shadow"

There is a really interesting A Story about a doomed planet's prewarp "ark" spaceship and a frustratingly stupid B Story about Voyager's computer trying to kill Seven of Nine.

RATING: 66%

(Where to place: Right before the first part of Equinoxes.

Star Trek: Starfleet Corps of Engineers - "Interphase Part One"

Scotty sends the crew of the USS Da Vinci to fish the reappeared USS Defiant (the old one) out of the rift in Tholian space. I think it's cheating to make a novella a two parter but whatevs!

RATING: 58%

(Where to place: In the year following the end of the Dominion War.)

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Neutral Zone"

The ship finds a capsule with three frozen people from the 1980s, including a country singer, an evil stockbroker type, and a housewife. Also there's a b story with the reappearance of the Romulans and some groundwork for the Borg but mostly it's Data and the country guy hanging out while the stockbroker whines about being resurrected in a moneyless socialist utopia.

RATING: 66%

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Star Trek - "Mission To Horatius"

In the only licensed novel released during the actual run of TOS, the Enterprise encounters some space neo nazis, a religious planet who drugs every worshipper with actual LSD (not kidding), and a pretty planet full of nature loving psychics.

RATING: 60%

(Where to place: Between Who Mourns For Adonais? and The Deadly Years.)

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Conspiracy"

Little purple bugs straight out of an 80s new wave video try to take over a bunch of admirals by crawling down their throats, and to save the day Picard and Riker blow up a dude's head.

RATING: 70%

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Star Trek: Starfleet Corps of Engineers - "Hard Crash"

In maybe the best Trek story I've read so far, the USS Da Vinci finds a ship that has crashed into a city's downtown apparently being piloted by a weeks dead corpse.

RATING: 96%

(Where to place: Around six or seven months after the end of the Dominion War.)

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "We'll Always Have Paris"

Picard meets up with an old flame and also everybody keeps having deja vu, the real kind I mean.

RATING: 62%

Friday, May 15, 2015

Star Trek - "The Children of Kings"

Captain Pike and the Enterprise get caught in a plot where some Orions are trying to make a fountain of youth and also some future racists are hating on Klingons.

RATING: 68%

(Where to place: Towards the end of Captain Pike's five year mission.)

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Skin Of Evil"

A talking oil slick who eats negative emotions kills Tasha Yar, one of the most interesting main characters in the first season.

RATING: 56%

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Symbiosis"

The Enterprise saves some burnt out drug addicts and their dealers from burning up in their freighter.

RATING: 71%

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Arsenal Of Freedom"

The ship gets caught up in a live demonstration for a laser drone supercharger and also Geordi has to deal with a racist/ablist/ageist hater when he's put in command.

RATING: 89%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Heart Of Glory"

A few Klingons come on board and accuse Worf of selling out.

RATING: 56%

Monday, May 11, 2015

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Behind Enemy Lines"

Picard teams up with his old pal Ro Laren to sabotage an artificial wormhole the Dominion is building and meanwhile Riker seduces a starbase commander to try to get the Enterprise fixed faster.

RATING: 43%

(Where to place: Between The 5th and 6th seasons of DS9.)

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Coming Of Age"

Wesley takes the Starfleet Academy entrance exam which includes a test where they trick students into believing they're living out their worst fears. No wonder they have therapists on board every starship!

RATING: 56%

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Too Short A Season"

An old cranky admiral is taking youth pills so he can negotiate with some space terrorists. The episode is only ok but I'm giving it a lot of extra points for its fantastic musical score.

RATING: 60%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "11001001"

Some aliens who speak in binary steal the Enterprise and program a holodeck program to give Riker a major bone (not difficult).

RATING: 58%

Friday, May 8, 2015

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Angel One"

A planet where WOMEN are in in charge of MEN?????? Whaaaaaaaa???????

This episode isn't as sexist as "Code of Honor" is racist but it fails pretty hard in its... moral? I'm not even sure the episode tries to criticize 1980s misogyny in any meaningful way.

RATING: 46%

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Unity"

The station's crew has to keep fighting those pink beetle parasites, and also there's a special appearance by one Benjamin Sisko.

RATING: 78%

(Where to place: 9 months after the end of DS9 ��.)

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Datalore"

Data's emotional evil twin is found and it makes Data tres jelly. They didn't really do a good job of making Data totally emotionless as he supposedly was in these early episodes.

RATING: 81%