The Twelve Lies of Christmas

I bought the Woody Woodpecker and Friends Holiday Favorites DVD thinking it would feature some classic Woody Woodpecker cartoons from a bygone era. Instead it's got a couple of episodes of The New Woody Woodpecker Show from the late 90s/early 2000s. Boo-urns. There's also a few old theatrical shorts on there, but a bunch of them don't even feature Woody Woodpecker or Chilly Willy or any of those other Walter Lantz characters that I can barely give two shits about. Being up against a self-imposed deadline, I opted to watch "The Twelve Lies of Christmas," an episode of the aforementioned New Woody Woodpecker Show. Bore-ring. Sure, it's got Billy West and Mark Hamill doing some of the voices, but that's about all it's got going for it. Plot-wise, it's basically a riff on Rashomon, with a bunch of characters arguing about which one of them was responsible for saving Santa from some kidnappers the previous year. Fuck you, Woody Woodpecker and Friends Holiday Favorites DVD, you piece of shit.

Rating: Too Harsh?%

(Image from tvshowsondvd.com)

Adenosine-5'-triphosphate

ATP is a damnable lie perpetrated by hell-bound atheists and Jew doctors. The only enzyme substrate in my signal transduction pathways is G-O-D.

RATING: 666%

(Image from www.anat.ucl.ac.uk.)

Kool Aid Man

Kool Aid Man is a huge pitcher of Kool Aid with limbs and a face who always smashes through the wall and says, "Oh yeah!" My wife insists that Kool Aid Man was invented in Sackville, NB, which makes me wonder if Kool Aid Man has a Kool Aid wife who lies to him, too.


RATING:70%

(Image from http://2.bp.blogspot.com.)