Image of the Fendahl

A group of scientists, working in secret, think they may have made a discovery that will forever rewrite man's understanding of evolution. Instead, they have uncovered something that will threaten all life on Earth. Image of the Fendahl isn't the most original story. It feels like it's borrowing from serials like The Dæmons, The Seeds of Doom and The Masque of Mandragora, among others. And yet, it's a really fun story. My favorite of this season, so far. The tone, the setting and the characters are all on point. The plot is a little scattershot, but it doesn't really matter. The monsters are a little dodgy looking too, imagine a snake with dreadlocks, but they're still leaps and bounds better looking than the monster from The Invisible Enemy.

Rating: Good morning, ladies%

Idiocracy

Directed by Mike Judge, Idiocracy was released direct to DVD in 2007. In the movie, a librarian and a prostitute who are put into suspended animation for 500 years wake up to a world where everyone is an idiot. The movie is a science ficitony satire of corporations and dysgenics. Despite having some very clever ideas and jokes, the movie has some noticeable plot and structure issues. Much like Office Space, Mike Judge's previous movie, Idiocracy has become a cult favorite.

Rating: Harrison Bergeron without the bureaucracy%

(Image from amazon.ca)

M. Gary Neuman, Twat

M. Gary Neuman is a charlatan and an idiot. He apparently knows next to nothing about how men think, and even less about infidelity. I can't decide if he's actually stupid, or if he's exploiting women's insecurities in order to make money and get on Oprah, but either way his advice on why men cheat is spectacularly full of pastel-hued shit. Women who are interested in why men are actually unfaithful might want to read Matt Ridley's The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature or some other book that addresses human mating behaviour from an evolutionary psychological perspective. Some men undoubtedly cheat because they feel "emotionally disconnected" from their partners. Most men, however, cheat because 1) cheating makes them feel like they're winning the Game of Life (which, for better or worse, isn't an entirely zero sum affair) and 2) they're opportunists and they think they might be able to get away with it. The implication here is that HE DOESN'T WANT HER INSTEAD OF YOU, he wants you AND her AND whoever else he can get his dirty paws on. Following Neuman's awful advice and applauding when he burns the toast at breakfast like he's a retarded child is likely going to give him an ego boost that puts him more in the mood to cheat on you, not less. Forcing your man to talk about his feelings with you more will only motivate him to strangle you in your sleep with a bungee cord or a length of piano wire. If you really don't want him to cheat on you, 1) don't leave him alone with other women, not even for 10 minutes; 2) let him know how much it hurts you, and be serious, not melodramatic; and 3) be prepared to accept that he might still do it anyway, or be ready to leave him if you can't. If that doesn't work for you, ladies, I recommend homosexuality or self-abuse.

RATING: Primate%

(Image from www.oprah.com. Of course, not all men are pigs and heartless bastards; some are pussies, ugly and/or broke, and the rare man just has excellent self-discipline and doesn't want to jeopardize a good thing. And has a 10 inch penis. And wins the lottery every year on his birthday.)

Pizza

Pizza is a circular bread sort of thing that is covered in tomato sauce, cheese, and various other toppings such as anchovies or pepperonis. It was invented in America by Americans for Americans, and it is accordingly delicious. You can have it for lunch or dinner piping hot, or you can eat it for breakfast cold. Even though we often can't agree who ought to be inhabiting what useless piece of desert rubble in Palestine/Israel, at least everybody everywhere can agree that America's #1 invention pizza is the best, even ahead of America's other inventions like airplanes, cars, computers, the Internet, photography, television, movies, controlled electricity, and doing it doggy style.

RATING: 95%