Star Trek - "The Man Trap"

Hey now, this salt monster traps women too!

RATING: 77%

KFC Double Down

When it was announced earlier this year that KFC was coming out with the Double Down sandwich, I have to admit I was intrigued. A bun-less sandwich, combining two KFC chicken breasts with cheese, bacon, a special sauce and enough sodium to kill a horse. With no bread or vegetables to get in my way, was the Double Down my path to fast food nirvana? Nope. It was like eating a salty, deep fried catcher's mitt.

Rating: 25%

(Image from onepeggenius.com)

KFC

I haven't eaten KFC in a really long time and I don't know anyone who has. I remember when they had Hot Wings™ in the 80's, but my parents wouldn't let me eat them just like they wouldn't let me watch Ghostbusters or wear blue Spiderman jogging pants with my blue Spiderman jogging top like Glenn could. I also remember when they had Extra Crispy Tasty™ chicken, which was pretty good in a horrible, crusty sort of way. When I was a kid they had those really soggy fries that I liked but then they switched to the batter-coated ones under the red lights and that's why they say you can never go home to KFC again.

RATINGS: Nostalgia 79%
Quality of "chicken" 30%
Humane treatment of "chickens" 15%
Hypothetical Bucket of Just Skin™ 99%

(Image from 1.bp.blogspot.com.)

Salt

Salt is pretty good for getting leeches off and also for making the ice melty on the sidewalk. On the other hand, it's pretty bad for you if you have high blood pressure and it stings when you get it on your fingers and then put them in your eye like I just did. The Russian word for hospitality is khlebsolny or хлебосольный or some shit and means "bread and salt" but don't believe it, they always really want Miracle Whip.

RATING: 70%

(Image from some dumb blog)

Private Selection Angus Beef Patties with Swiss Cheese and Mushrooms

I'm not usually big on beef, or frozen meat in general, but I hurt my foot the other day, I don't drive, and these were in the freezer. A better name would be "Private Selection Angus Salt Patties with Salt and Salt." Also, I don't know what the big deal is with "Angus beef." Maybe it's the Albacore tuna of the beef world, but it seems like overnight all beef became Angus beef, so it can't be that great, can it?

RATING: 20%, but it might have been as high as 45% if I'd had a bun to put it on.

(Image from www.industryplayer.com, but they don't really look like that.)