G.I. Joe: The Movie

In 1986, while riding high on the success of their respective toy lines and TV shows, Hasbro released The Transformers: The Movie and My Little Pony: The Movie theatrically. Neither film performed well at the box office. The Transformers: The Movie also managed to traumatize some of it's young audience by killing off many of their favorite characters. G.I. Joe: The Movie, originally intended to be released around the same time as those other two Hasbro films, was eventually released direct-to-video in 1987. While many of the classic G.I. Joe characters get sidelined throughout the movie to allow for a greater focus on a crop of new Joes, production delays allowed the filmmakers to sidestep The Transformers: The Movie's biggest taboo: killing off a beloved main character. Watching the movie now, it's clear that the Joe's leader Duke was meant to die in the film. Serpentor straight up stabs Duke in the heart with a spear, but thanks to some new dialogue Duke merely goes into a coma. And even though we never see Duke again onscreen, a character announces to everyone at the end of the film that Duke has come out of the coma and is going to be A-okay.  

Rating: 60%

(Image from Wikipedia)

The Transformers: The Movie

By 1986, Hasbro had already sold a lot of Transformers toys and they thought the best way to get kids to buy a bunch of new Transformers toys would be to kill off all of the characters that the kids had come to know and love. And so they made The Transformers: The Movie, which opens with an extended battle between the Autobots and the Decepticons in which many prominent characters are killed, including Optimus Prime. Yes, that's right. Not only did Hasbro think it was a great idea to kill off Optimus Prime, the flagship character of the Transformers brand, they thought that was something that kids needed to see on the big screen. And then, at some point later in the film, somebody says "shit." Because, you know, it was meant to be a movie that the whole family could enjoy.

Rating: 69%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Cobra Claws Are Coming to Town

Cobra launches a sneak attack on G.I. Joe headquarters while a bunch of the Joes are on holiday leave. Apparently Snake Eyes doesn't like to spend Christmas cooped up behind the laser defense grid. With our heroes temporarily bested, Cobra launches an attack on Keystone City using Joe vehicles. All in an effort to turn the public and the government against the Joes. The funny thing is that Cobra actually makes it to the city and does a few bombing runs before they're stopped by the Joes. The citizens of Keystone City even fall for Cobra's ruse, thinking the Joes have turned heel. The episode goes on to end without ever really resolving the issue of having a terrorist attack done in their name with their own equipment. But, being a cartoon for children, that plot point is dropped and the episode is capped off with everyone laughing and wishing one another a Merry Christmas.

Rating: Rocking Horse%