NYC Ghosts & Flowers by Sonic Youth

Well, this album sucks, but the question is does it suck as much as Pitchfork famously claimed? I guess it'd be hard to, but I doubt even Pitchfork really believed the album was a 0.0. It's got some good moments musically speaking, but those are frequently ruined by bad impersonations of high school students imitating Jim Morrison imitating the beat poets. Well, there was nowhere to go but up after this I guess, but it's easily the worst thing Sonic Youth has ever been associated with.

RATING: 19%

Microsoft Office Mac 2008

Microsoft is sort of like that rich kid that you let be in your high school band even though he sucked at guitar and you didn't really like him but he had a car and all kinds of gear and his parents let you party in his basement. Office Mac 2008 is an even bigger piece of shit than Office Mac 2004, but you might as well get it anyway because unless you live in a parallel universe, iWorks is about as useful as a fucking Betamax player.

RATING: 15%

(Image from www.geometricvisions.com.)

Gattaca

Gothika is a 1997 film that depicts a future in which everyone dresses like Dick Tracy and scientists use "biometrics" to determine that writer-director Andrew Niccol has no idea how evolutionary developmental biology actually works. The climax of the film, which also serves as a microcosm of its emotional and cognitive impact, depicts an ATM machine in the rain on which the sexy words "valid" and "invalid" flash suggestively next to a grainy picture of Ethan Hawke's rat face (SPOILER: he's "invalid"). In conclusion, if you liked Guernica even a little bit, you'll love Battlefield Earth starring Tom Cruise.

RATING: 82%, apparently

(Image from moralyluces.files.wordpress.com.)

Automated Phone Systems

In 1998, you'd call a customer service hotline and get some moron in a call center who couldn't pass a GED test. In 2003, you'd call the same hotline and get some moron in a call center in India who couldn't pass an English test. In the Year of Our Lord 2009, you get a piece-of-shit automated system that couldn't pass a Turing test, replete with piece-of-shit voice recognition software written by the idiot from 2003. Save us, Christian Bale.

RATING: Brave new world%

(Image from www.pcdistrict.com.)

Universal Remote

Two words copulate to breed a $15 lie that is somehow more damnably false than the sum of its parts.

RATING: 3%



(Image from www.goodhousekeeping.com.)