Uninvited

A bunch of Spring Breakers end up on a Wall Street tycoon's yacht with a deadly, mutated cat. It's simultaneously better and worse than it sounds. When the cat isn't killing people, they use a real cat. A big, fluffy, orange cat. It's not menacing in any way. But, when it's killing time, they use an unconvincing cat puppet with a second unconvincing cat puppet coming out of the first cat puppet's mouth. Now, if that description of the cat puppets didn't make a whole lot of sense to you, rest assured that seeing it for yourself in the movie won't make very much sense either. Let's just say that Uninvited is not a good movie, but it definitely is a good time. The practical special effects in the movie are particularly bloody and over the top. The acting isn't great, but the movie does feature performances from character actor icons George Kennedy and Clu Gulager. George Kennedy sleepwalks through his performance. Clu Gulager, on the other hand, makes some big choices with his part. I laughed a lot while watching Uninvited. It's going on my list of favorite bad horror movies, right next to Prom Night II.

Rating: 59%

(image from Wikipedia)

Critters Attack!

On the heels of another rejection letter from her dream school, Drea takes a job babysitting for a professor on the school's admission board. While on a nature hike, Drea and the kids she's babysitting discover a small furry creature. Oh no, you might be thinking, is it one of those killer Crites? No, dear reader, it's actually a friendly, white furred, female Crite. The cute and cuddly Crite appears to be injured, so the kids load her up in a backpack, Gizmo-style, and try to find help. It's not long before they discover that another batch of Crites, the kind we're more familiar with, have also landed in the area and have started eating everything and everyone in their path. Critters Attack! is not the first film in the Critters franchise to go straight to video and yet it might be the cheapest looking film in the series. It's clear that the Chiodo Brothers are no longer providing the special effects, as the Crites have never looked more puppety. Dee Wallace returns to the series, playing a bounty hunter named Aunt Dee. In interviews, she has suggested that she's actually reprising her role as Helen Brown from the first film only with the name changed for legal reasons. That means that, depending on your interpretation, Critters Attack! can bee seen as either a sequel or a remake. Regardless, I can say with confidence that the movie is not worth your time.

Rating: 58%

(Image from Wikipedia)

The Talons of Weng-Chiang

There's a lot of good stuff in The Talons of Weng-Chiang but it's a hard serial to recommend because it's awfully racist. The bulk of the story centers around a Chinese stage magician, played by a white actor in yellowface, who's been kidnapping women off the streets of Victorian London for the benefit of his master, a war criminal from the future. The serial is steeped in Yellow Peril stereotypes and all of the white characters are comfortably racist towards the Chinese characters. The serial likely could have aged better if the Doctor had been shown to be more enlightened in his attitude towards the Chinese characters but the Doctor really isn't put out by any of the racism and he even playfully stokes the prejudice of some of the characters. The story is probably so well regarded by fans because some of the characters are incredibly well written and performed. The bloviating theatre owner, Henry Gordon Jago, is a particular highlight. And the scenes between Leela and Professor Litefoot, riffing on Pygmalion, are iconic.

Rating: Nothing complimentary%

Spookies

Spookies, like so many other terrible horror movies, has a cult following. It might have something to do with the long-held belief that Spookies had actually been assembled from two separate, unfinished movies. The truth, much like the movie, is far less interesting. Spookies started out as a haunted house movie called Twisted Souls. At some point during the editing stage, it was decided that a significant portion of the movie would be reshot and the plot of the movie would be made far less coherent. The final product combines the haunted house footage with a storyline about a wizard (?) who is killing people to keep his bride alive. To give credit where credit's due, the movie is jam packed with practical special effects. They're kinda hokey for the most part though, almost like they're from a lower budget Full Moon Features flick. Mercifully, the movie is only 85 minutes long.

Rating: 49%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Brain Damage

Brain Damage is a wildly original and inventive horror/exploitation movie. It's goofy and gross. It's trippy and tragic. It's clever and crass. The special effects, which are clearly low budget, are fantastic. Some of the acting in the movie is bad and broad, but the performances from the lead actor and Elmer the talking parasite are quite good. There is, however, one scene in the movie (quite possibly the most infamous scene in the film) which features an act of sexualized violence that is so over the top and cruel that it honestly tainted my overall enjoyment of the movie. Caveat emptor.

Rating: 68%

(Image from IMDB)

Invasion of the Dinosaurs

Sarah and the Doctor return from the Middle Ages to find London nearly deserted. The city is under martial law. Only the army and some stray looters remain. As the Doctor and his newest companion soon discover, central London has been invaded... by dinosaurs. Invasion of the Dinosaurs is a very ambitious story. The dinosaur puppets aren't very convincing. Many of the sets wobble whenever anyone opens or closes a door. And the real meat of the story is both anti-authoritarian and a subversion of the environmentalist ideals we saw back in The Green Death. It's a great serial but, because of all those flaws, it is something that you have to be willing to meet halfway.

Rating: I'm never wrong%

Ghoulies

The best part of Ghoulies would have to be the poster art. If you haven't seen the movie, you might think it was a creature feature à la Gremlins. It's actually a very boring movie about a guy who inherits a creepy old house and gets really into black magic. Sure, there are some gloppy puppet creatures roaming about but they're pretty lame. Also, none of them wear suspenders in the movie.

Rating: 38%

(Image from impawards.com)

12 More Days of Christmas Specials: Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas

I managed to get in my annual viewing of my favorite Christmas Special with some friends last night, that special being A Muppet Family Christmas of course, so I thought I'd follow it up with some more of Jim Henson's Christmassy goodness. I'd heard of Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas before, but I'm not sure if I'd ever actually seen it. The special tells the story of Emmet Otter and his widowed mother, two down on their luck otters trying to make ends meet. A local talent contest promising big time prize money offers them a chance to finally have a proper Christmas, but in order to enter they'll have to put their last few meager possessions in hock. They'll also have to compete with the likes of the Riverbottom Nightmare Band, a rock group made up of degenerates who sound an awful lot like Deep Purple. I was convinced that the special was going to be a serious downer, but it thankfully steers clear of cliche endings and overly maudlin moments.

Rating: 73%

(Image from muppetcentral.com)

The Gingerdead Man

Going into The Gingerdead Man I knew that it was directed by Charles Band and released through his company Full Moon Features. So I was ready for a bad movie, one that probably wouldn't even be a "fun" bad movie. I was prepared to be underwhelmed and in that regard I was not disappointed. The movie's running time, minus credits, is 57 minutes. Gary Busey is on screen for approximately three of those minutes. Busey is also credited as the voice of the Gingerdead Man but I'm not entirely convinced he recorded all of the puppet's lines. I think they were going for Child's Play in a bakery but it's closer to something that might have been on a 90's horror anthology series like Goosebumps or Are You Afraid of the Dark? I do not recommend watching The Gingerdead Man. I briefly considered giving up horror movies for a while after watching it. I have since recovered.

Rating: 13%

(Image from bmovieshelf.blogspot.ca)

Another 12 Days of Christmas Specials: The Christmas Toy

When you think about Jim Henson, the first thing that springs to mind would probably be the Muppets and rightfully so because the Muppets are awesome. But Jim Henson did a lot of non-Muppet work, from childhood nightmare inducing films like Labyrinth and the Dark Crystal to Christmas Specials like The Christmas Toy. The story of The Christmas Toy is similar to Toy Story, wherein we witness the behind the scenes world of toys when no one is around to see them. In the special, all the toys are getting ready for Christmas morning and the arrival of the new toys that will be joining them in their world behind closed doors. It's a decent special, featuring the traditional felt-style puppets we've come to know and love along with some animatronic-type puppets that seemed pretty innovative for their time. While it's nowhere near the sheer joy that is A Muppet Family Christmas, The Christmas Toy is still a pretty good Christmas Special.

Rating: Peace on Earth%

(Image from muppet.wikia.com)