PC Thick Cut Ballpark Hot Dog Flavour Rippled Potato Chips: A Folk Shanty

♫ Oh, Maritime Canada's culture's the best,
We get married in church and make love by the sea,
But if you're a Catholic, your priest might molest
A rosy cheeked youngster or three.

Oh, in Nova Scotia we never get stressed,
We self-medicate liberally with THC.
We suck on cheap smokes like a babe at the breast,
And we'll drink all the booze if it's free.

Oh, Maritime Canada's people are blessed
With a stalwart no-name-brand that we call PC
Whose hot dog potato chips taste like "All Dressed"
With a little bit more MSG.♪

RATING: 60%

(Image from www.presidentschoice.ca.)

Herr's Heinz Ketchup Chips

When I was small and I visited my cousins in Toronto, I would always be sure to smuggle several small bags of Hostess's Ketchup Chips back with me. The first time I saw the chips, I was both overjoyed and affronted: how could such revolutionary potato chips exist and yet be unavailable to me across the border? Eventually I forgot about the chips, but at Pathmark I saw a whole rack of these. And they're not bad! Unlike the Hostess chips, these are ruffled, but there's the same freeze-dried, sodium-laced tomato taste I remember so fondly. Whenever I mention kethcup chips to anyone, they act like the concept disgusts them, but if you've ever eaten ketchup with your french fries then it's really not that much of a stretch.

RATING: 86%

Chips

Chips are a kind of thing that are small and thin, and can be any number of flavors, from potato to banana to paint (you shouldn't eat the last kind). Then there can even be additional spices put on the preliminary flavor of chip, so its like a Chipotle Lime Banana Chip, or maybe a Raspberry Tequila Veggie Wrap Potato Chip, or even a Mountain Dew Chip. One bad thing about chips is sometimes when I get a bag I'll eat like half of them, and then when I look at the label it will say "34 servings per bag, around 3 chips per serving." Well fuck you chip makers. I'm just kidding, please keep making chips. Also chocolate chips are pretty good, and the first friend I made in America was named Chip, and Chipwiches are also pretty good if I do recall my Bible.

RATING: 74%