Spawn

I saw Spawn in the theatre, back in 1997, when it was first released. I honestly wish I could remember my impression of the film at that time but it has long since faded from memory. What I can tell you for sure is that last night, as I was taking the cellophane off of a ten year old DVD copy of the movie, I had a chuckle when I read the cover which boasted that Spawn was "The special-effects movie event of the year." Just for reference, 1997 was the same year that Titanic, The Lost World: Jurassic Park and Men in Black were released. I bring this up mostly to confirm something that you probably already knew, the special effects in Spawn are dog shit. And the rest of the movie surrounding those effects isn't much better. It's kinda like Tim Burton's version of RoboCop with a hint of The Greatest American Hero mixed in. And the soundtrack, which I definitely had on CD, sticks out like a sore thumb now. Hearing Marilyn Manson and Sneaker Pimps drown out dialogue as Spawn walks through the alleyways will make you think, "Wow, 1997 was a very different time."

Rating: 58%

(Image from Wikipedia)

The Stones of Blood

The Stones of Blood starts simply enough, the Doctor and Romana's search for the third segment of the Key to Time takes them to the English countryside. There they discover some strange goings-on involving a group of modern-day Druids and a stone circle. Soon after, the absurdities begin to pile on top of one another. There's an alien impersonating a Celtic goddess, a trio of bloodsucking stone monoliths, a spaceship stuck in hyperspace and a trial lorded over by a pair of justice machines. It all sounds a little disjointed, and in some ways it is, but it ends up being a fairly decent story. It's also the first story in a while to include some horror elements, with the killer stone slabs stalking and killing some unsuspecting campers.

Rating: Anyone for tennis?%

Commando

Someone is killing the former members of John Matrix's Special Forces team. Someone with a score to settle. That someone has about 12 hours to live, they just don't know it yet. Commando is a balls to the wall 80s action flick stuffed to the gills with steel drums and squealing saxophones. It's light on plot and logic but heavy on explosions and bloody squibs. Arnold's character in Commando is very quippy, tossing out almost as many barbs as death sentences. The supporting cast includes Alyssa Milano, Rae Dawn Chong, Vernon Wells, Dan Hedaya, David Patrick Kelly, Bill Duke and there's even a cameo appearance from Bill Paxton as an "Intercept Officer."

Rating: 72%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Summer School

Freddy Shoop, Oceanfront High School's laid back gym teacher, gets roped into teaching a remedial English class over the summer break. Shoop's students are "unmotivated, irresponsible," and according to the vice principle, "not too bright." But, with his job on the line, Shoop makes an attempt to get through to the kids. His methods are a little unusual, but dammit, they sorta get results. Summer School is a fun and fairly light 80s comedy. Not too mentally taxing, which is appropriate given the subject matter. While the plot is fairly simple and standard, Summer School is blessed with a bevy of fun characters: a surfer girl, a dumb jock, a nervous nerd, a girl with an undiagnosed learning disability, a foreign exchange student, a pregnant girl, a kid secretly moonlighting as an exotic dancer and pair of nutty gorehounds named Chainsaw and Dave. Mark Harmon is great as Shoop and Kirstie Alley showcases the fun and flirty banter that would serve her so well on Cheers. Summer School, it won't feel like homework.

Rating: 71%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Fun Fact: Shawnee Smith, who played Rhonda, was also in 1988's The Blob, Who's Harry Crumb? and a couple of the Saw films.