The Houston Aeros' Aero Dynamics

I can't imagine what it must be like to be a dancer for a minor league hockey team. Even dancers for pro sports don't get paid - it's all volunteer work, in addition to the chance to "meet" the stars of the team. Well, there are no real stars of the Houston Aeros, because anybody good gets called up to the Minnesota Wild, so basically if you're an Aero Dynamic all you get is to awkwardly dance to a bad mix of nu metal, Better Than Ezra, and 90s dance music while keeping a smile on your face, in some hope that you can relive the glory of your high school cheerleading days or a Hollywood producer somehow in the audience will see you and you'll make it big. Sorry, ya dumb broads, this is as good as it's going to get. Also, I guess it's your job whenever a section wins free pizza coupons for cheering the loudest to ignore the Arab dude on the end and not give him his fucking coupon even when he's looking right at you.

RATING: 32%

Tampons

Wicked women who pop birth control pills, pierce their nipples and smoke pot use tampons to stem the flow of blood and tissue from their sinfully neglected wombs. If they were married and pregnant as God intended, they'd have no need of such unholy paraphernalia. Yes, the Lord created menstruation, but he hates it.

RATING: A bloody 0%

(Image from www.glee.com)