Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The R3 Party

Last weekend Glenn hosted the R3 party at his place in Houston (thanks, Glenn!) Many of our current posters were in attendance in person or via the miracle of the telephone. It was a fun time, with assorted cheeses, assorted boozes, Mexican food, community food, too many cigarettes, and general boisterous festivity. I found out what Laurie is like in person, what a $9 marguerita tastes like, and also that Viking Andrew has a mangina attached to his scapula. However, he was able to beer again the next afternoon, while I spent the day vomiting copiously, so I guess there's a little mangina in all of us (men, anyways. I wonder why girls don't call each other "dicks.") Speaking of dicks, some douchebags vandalized our friend's car, which was super-uncool, but we can maybe find some solace in the fact that chickenshit losers who "solve" their problems via passive aggressive crime are usually mean, stupid, and unhappy, and are statistically more likely to end up getting shot or fucked in jail. Also, we called Brent Newland, who seemed nice but didn't believe us when we told him who we were. The End.

RATING: 99% (-1% for no trannie hookers and no drank)

(Image from kara.allthisd.com. No one actually wore a party hat. I brought bunny ears, but got drunk and forgot to put them on.)

54 comments:

Chris said...

How could I have forgotten the Drank?

And John, there was -0- mangina on my part. So speak for yourself and Andrew on that.

Oh wait, unless you consider that I was hardly drinking that Jager at all.

Viking Andrew said...

So somebody viciously assaults me, and I'm to blame.

Viking Andrew said...

Hey Glenn, tell the pink shirt story again.

Chris said...

Yeah, tell us about the time your students thought you were Chinese too.

John said...

Let it out, VA. Crying will probably help your pathetic ligaments heal faster.

No one was drinking that Jager except me. I should have bought a smaller bottle, or more beer instead. I figured you writers could drink something harder than your own tears shed at the unfairness of the contemporary creative writing world. Boy, was I wrong.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go throw up again.

Viking Andrew said...

I love the Chinese story, too, though I have so many questions about the pink shirt one. For instance, for how long exactly did the heckling occur? Was it constant, or was it more of a one-or-two statement occurance?

And John, we did drink something harder. Champagne!

John said...

Yeah, I think that was one of the 8 or so things that made me so ill the next day.

laurie said...

@Andrew: Now you know how it feels to be a woman. (Re: So somebody viciously assaults me, and I'm to blame.)

@John: I drank a few swigs of the Jager. And were those margaritas $9?! I can't believe I bought/drank two of those.

@Everyone: I had a great time this weekend, and I miss yous already. When is everyone coming to Brooklyn to see me?

@Everyone: I can't believe we drank so much. I'm pretty sure I'm still hungover.

John said...

I think you guys should ask Glenn to tell you some stories that don't involve him being singled out as some kind of hated minority.

John said...

Andrew: I hope you feel violated.

Laurie: maybe in the next year or two, while we still live in the states. Robyn's been telling me I have to see NY for years.

Anonymous said...

I drank your lousy Jager, too, John, even though it reminded me of frat boy sweat and Alpha Tau Omega.

Laurie our margaritas cost like $7 because they were not Top Shelf, i.e. flammable.

McT's Girlfriend said...

@The Guys

Did you get any?

Or were you too pissed to remember?

McT's Girlfriend said...

Sorry, ladies, but that question had to be asked.

McT's Girlfriend said...

@The Guys

If you respond affirmatively, I will have to conclude that the ladies in attendance have no taste or were themselves totally liquored up.

laurie said...

Well I certainly didn't get any. SIGH.

McT's Girlfriend said...

Sorry to hear that.

Seems that Texas dudes are mostly talk.

LoCo said...

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh snap.

Maybe you didn't get laid, L, but you gave out a business card, which is basically foreplay.

McT's Girlfriend said...

Mmmmmm...business card?...let me think what that could mean.

LoCo said...

McTavish has never gotten a business card.

laurie said...

Yep, in the law world giving out your business card basically means "fuck me hard." Damn, I shouldn't have taken that one back from you, loco!

LoCo said...

Girls, always saying things they don't mean! This is why I'm back to men.

McT's Girlfriend said...

And I sure hope that one of you will do a review about that guy from Cape Breton. I forget his name.

laurie said...

Actually now that I think about it, I did leave one on your kitchen table. So I suppose that puts sex back on the table. (That's right, pun intended suckas!)

McT's Girlfriend said...

This is like being on Twitter. Max 140 characters.

Chris said...

That party was one gigantic cornucopia of awesomeness.

Chris said...

Eh, fail.

John said...

I think it's bad manners to fuck in other people's guest beds unless you're under 21 or it's New Year's Eve.

McTavish, Laurie's a girl, not a myotonic goat. You're in way over your head here, buddy.

How's Calgary this time of year, anyway?

Viking Andrew said...

John missed one of the highlights of the bash: the creepy tiny man doing yoga in tights just outside the Menil's fire exit.

DCP said...

Laurie and I went back to the Menil on Sunday so she could see the Surrealist room and that guy was in the exact same place doing yoga.

laurie said...

And then I saw him at the movie theater when Glenn, Chris, and I went to see the Watchmen! He looked a lot different with clothes on, but I know it was him.

Viking Andrew said...

Also, Glenn looks good in jeans.

Viking Andrew said...

@ Internet John,

Hate to be picky, but community as in "community food" should probably be capitalized.

Examples:

The Community is steadfast in their support for proposition 1100.2334.

OR

I please many women in the Community.

And so on.

Viking Andrew said...

@Me @John,

Actually, after a rigorous one minute research endeavor, I've found the capitalization of (the) community to be a matter of taste.

laurie said...

How about, "many members of the Community think that was a douchey thing for Andrew to say."

LoCo said...

Hey guys I won't be around this weekend... talked to my professor today and he's letting me borrow his ass cabin.

Viking Andrew said...

What part was douchey?

John said...

No way, dude. Community is almost as crypto-racist as "community."

Viking Andrew said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Viking Andrew said...

I think R3 might have reached its ironic, self-flagellating mass. I'm not so sure any of us know not only what the joke is, but what we're actually joking about.

laurie said...

Why did you remove the other comment? I liked that comment. This new one is zzzzzzzzzzzzzz............

Viking Andrew said...

I'll repost it, but just for you, Laurie:


At least now we've found the untouchable in terms of R3's ribaldry. I mean, AIDs humor? Nah. Links to gun-toting Muslims? Still no. Capitalization? Yes.

John said...

This whole mistimed comment thing is fucktarded.

Viking Andrew said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
John said...

Who keeps deleting comments? You know, if you're a member of the blog, you can remove them forever by checking that little box.

Viking Andrew said...

Loco,

You're very lucky. Want to tell us which professor? By the by, make sure a certain writer with a certain mustache isn't waiting in the cabin with a blue pencil, more than willing to go over your manuscript with you whilst dropping white powder into a bottle of Riesling.

John said...

Yeah, I took that one out. Everyone's white in Romania, but that doesn't make it anywhere near funny.

Anonymous said...

Ooh Riesling! My favorite. I hope there's a lot of nice chilled Riesling for you at the writing cabin! Gets those creative juices flowing...

laurie said...

Andrew: I love that you still edited it when you re-posted the comment. Be confident Atreyu! (Thanks for reposting it tho.)

laurie said...

Why did you use that gay party hat photo instead of some of the actual photos from the party? I like that one where you look all wasted.

John said...

I don't appreciate the homophobic tone of your comment, bitch.

Besides, I spend enough time looking at myself at home. Like sometimes I'll sit in front of the mirror with a beer and pretend I have a friend over.

John said...

That looks less funny and much harsher than I thought it would. The thing with asshole humour is that 10%-20% of the time I just look like an unfunny asshole.

laurie said...

Well John, 10-20% of the time you are an unfunny asshole.

LipstickMom123 said...

Ha! I read all those comments!

John said...

Is there an echo in here?

in here?

here?