Hey, dad, congratulations on that beautiful daughter you've got there! Would it be too much to ask for you to do her and the rest of the gene pool a favour and refrain from fucking her, please? It's hard enough for a bright young woman to make it in today's world without the man who donated half her genes laying up on her whenever he feels like it. Even if you're one of those people waaaaaaay out at the far end of the bell curve who actually finds his own offspring sexually attractive, there's a very good chance that she doesn't feel the same way about you. Wouldn't it be better if she learned what douchebags men are the old-fashioned way, by advancing to sexual maturity and then dating a worthless piece of shit who makes her cry? You can show her how much you love her in other ways, like sending her to medical school or buying her a car. There's really no need to lock her up at home and impregnate her with multiple offspring--that's why God gave you a wife.RATING: Common sense%
(Image from img.thesun.co.uk. I love you, wife!)
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18 comments:
Locked up. HA! Don't you mean sitting at home watching soap operas or out spending the money he earns while the nanny raises the children? That's why God gave ME a husband!
Inbreeding depression, lols.
I dunno if this is true, but I heard that Romania is now looking at decriminalizing incest. I believe the quote was something like, "not everything immoral is illegal"?
Just looking at that man's photo makes me cringe. With all the publicity guys like this get, how on earth am I supposed to believe there are actually good ones out there?
There are lots of great men out there. The problem is they're all either fat, ugly, broke or pussies. Hot guys will cheat on you. Rich guys will get into the whores and coke as soon as you leave town for the weekend. Tough guys will beat you. Chris Brown will probably do all three.
It's a natural law. My advice: settle down with a pussy and then cheat on him with a rich, hot guy. Better yet, see if you can twist his arm to call it an open relationship.
P.S. I use the term "natural law" ironically. At the level of species-typical behaviour, there are very few laws, just lots and lots of statistical likelihoods.
@ Robyn
I thought you were kidding about Romania. I'm going to give Cristian hell on Thursday.
So what you're really telling me is that there are no "great" guys out there because fat, ugly, broke, pussies are not exactly what I would consider "great." I really don't think I'm asking the world here, people. All I want is an intelligent, nice guy that's not too needy. Okay, so maybe he has to also be ambitious and have a sense of humor. And be decent looking. And good taste in music wouldn't hurt, either. And he's probably going to have to be an atheist. But really, that's all I need.
Oh, and he has to be loyal, too. Loyalty is really important.
It would be nice if he lived alone, without roommates. In my neighborhood.
Must like cats.
I was going to suggest a golden retriever, but I guess that's out of the question.
Maybe I'll just get another cat.
I still hope to marry a rich guy who will gain his inheritance when he gets married but is really a gay and I will help beard him while he balls other dudes and I write quietly in my study.
To ball is the best verb ever. Groovy, cats.
Loco, that would be a great story line.
p.s. I know what beard means as a noun but what does it mean as a verb?
Laurie is turning into the cat lady.
@Chris: Turning into?
@loco: Right there with you. Recently one of my friends was telling me about a rich gay acquaintance of his who has to pretend to be straight so grandma won't take his trust fund away. My immediate response was, "does he need a beard?" Unfortunately he already has one.
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