The watermelon is a delicious, refreshing summer fruit filled with racism. The flesh and rinds come in many different colors, which is why I find their history so ironic. Most Northerners despise Southerners because of our affection for the watermelon. So why all the hate? Well, in the dark, cold North people are too busy with jobs, and living in cramped apartments with rats, instead of drinking cheap beer and sitting out on the porch. Hey, it's not my fault they can't ride bikes or swim, right? Check out a lot of the Mexican art depicting the afterlife. What the hell do you think that is they're eating? Watermelons. Skeletons love watermelons. Especially southern Mexican skeletons.RATING: 77%
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24 comments:
theres no such think as mexican skeletens silly your thinking of mummies
Uncomfortable?
RuPaul used to wear a watermelon-pattern dress when performing. She wins again.
Also, you can cut a hole in it, add a bottle of vodka, and have vodka watermelon. How's about that at a summer bbq? Tasty.
Who can't swim? I dare you to try my parents' waterslide and not want to convert to Queens.
I have no doubt some folks have great pools up North, but where else can you swim in that pool nearly year-round?
In Thailand they have this thing called "the ocean" and it's sort of like a combination aquarium and swimming pool.
Well, I guess they don't call it that. I think they call it สมุทร .
@Chris: My gym has a fancy heated indoor pool that I can swim in year round. And in case anyone was wondering, this is at the Y ($50/month), not McFancyPantsExpensoGym.
Holy Hell, the Y is $50 a month?? How much are real gyms? My gym was like $30 a month. My dad pays $10 a year for the Y in Chelsea (but he is now a Senior Citizen).
Heated indoor pool.
Thank you for proving my point. No one eats a watermelon inside an indoor pool.
I wanted to have fried chicken and watermelon at my 28th birthday party, but we could only find honeydew and cantaloupe in January, and the fried chicken ended up being all white meat.
Like yuppie poetry, but without the Blackberry Pearls.
But the important thing is that I can swim.
If that's what you think then you've missed the point entirely.
And only further strengthened my case about the North.
Just look at that juicy bastard! How can you not want to hit that with all that is your taste buds!
@ Orhan Kahn
Are you talking about Chris, or the melon? I've seen better melons.
@Chris: Well at least we have fucking seasons instead of hot, slightly less hot, and really fucking hot.
Everyone is always talking about Winter.
Like, what's so fucking great about Winter?
1. Christmas
2. The women all get half naked... Oh wait, that's summer.
Well, you fucking stumped me.
It's not really about winter, there's just something special about having the weather change as the year goes by. It makes you feel more alive or something. Every time the seasons change I get a sense of urgency and remember that I have to do things because life is moving right along. It's just kind of nice. And it adds a nice sensory element to your memories (whereas all memories of my life in the South are surrounded by the feel or hot or more hot, my memories from my time here have a distinct feel to them depending on what time of year it was when the event happened). I dunno, I think it's kind of awesome.
The change of the season does mark time. Autumn and winter make me feel like I'm going to die soon, but without them I get all messed up, sort of like how it feels when you stay up all night.
Laurie, why do you want John to feel like he's dying?
I understand what you mean, but I guess I've got other sensory elements in Texas that change with the seasons. It might be all the fucking birds in the Winter or the locusts at sunset in the Summer. I think there are a lot of other elements, besides seasons, which define temporality in life (if you're convinced it's even a linear progression).
I like to think that way I'm getting the best from all of my senses.
She's just jealous because I'm so pretty.
Marking the time by the coming and going of swarms of locusts just seems so, I don't know, apocalyptic. What time of year is it when the river runs with blood, and the emaciated cattle are dying in droves?
I've always said if locusts were the plague I'd enjoy it.
It's fairly comforting to hear those sounds at night. I guess less comforting if that swarm is flying around you.
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