Let's pretend that back around 1997, a disgusted
Jolly Green Giant swore that he wouldn't wash his
balls armpits until the Montreal Canadiens
won the Stanley Cup again. Now imagine what those jolly, green
balls armpits would be like in, say, 2014, and you'll be entering the approximate vicinity of the taste sensation that is Gourmet Garden Cilantro Herb Blend. Basically, take the robust, foul, quasi-creamy stank of week-old cilantro, and mix it with a hearty dollop of salty-sour relish and a
soupçon of formaldehyde. My advice: don't buy it, don't borrow it, don't even
look at it. Even the dodgiest "fresh" cilantro is better than this--hell,
parsley would taste better in your salsa. Walk to the store, you
lazy bastard.
RATING: Biohazard%
(Image from
3.bp.blogspot.com. It's actually a picture of their basil product, but the cilantro looks the same. Check out
Love Carrots and Other Vegetables for fresh veggies that look like naughty bits.)
Let's pretend that back around 1997, a disgusted Jolly Green Giant swore that he wouldn't wash his 
Posts
29 comments:
Sweet! I love the taste of salty balls. Pass that salsa this way!
Wait. wait. Back up. Did you say "walk"? Forget the salsa. Walk, walk, walk. Well since you dropped some I'll lick that up, but, more importantly...WALK!
I said "dodgiest," not "doggiest."
*snare hit*
I'm just not entirely sure why using fresh basil is such a chore that a paste is needed.
It's akin to those freeze-dried bananas in cereal. I didn't know cutting a fresh banana for your cereal was that difficult.
I mean cilantro.
I think this product is made for those asshats that can't stand to see the last of the $2 worth of cilantro they bought go bad because they didn't use it. Fuck those jerks. They deserve shitty salsa.
Also, thanks for carrying this damn blog this week John. I swear I'll think of something to review soon.
I'd say this week had a really strong, diverse start, a kinda slow middle (with some great posts) and a whole lotta Internet John at the end. But I'll take credit for all that, sure. My favorite post I wrote was "A Shoe."
[Takes a bow]
My only complaint was that it was kind of a sausage party. Nothing makes the sex-o-meter go down to negative 5 like a preponderance of dicks on a blog. Just saying.
This blog totally needs a sex-o-meter.
Also, by "this week," I mean "last week." I can never remember if the week starts on Sunday or Monday.
Yeah we're clearly working under different definitions of "week" here. Mine usually starts sometime around Sunday.
I think the confusion stems from the fact that the Judaic Shabbat takes place from Sundown on Friday to Saturday night, while the Christian day of rest is Sunday.
I think of the week as starting on Sunday, but people have argued with me about that before.
But neither of us is Jewish.
If neither of us is Jewish, then the week ends on Sunday and starts on Monday. Didn't the Lord rest on the 7th day?
I don't need an invisible man to tell me that my day planner lists Sunday as the first day of the week.
yall should review my posting skillz
You're right, John. Shabbat begins on Friday night because Saturday is technically the 7th day. And "night" is the beginning of a day, because God created night then day (it's true check your Bible), and so Saturday is technically the "Seventh Day" (Jew or Christian, my friends).
I believe "the Church" changed it to Sunday in some effort to pull pagan worshipers to Catholicism.
But I might be making all of that up.
Yeah, well. The American God says Monday is the first day of the week.
Also, here's how institutionalized I am: I think of years as starting in mid-August, with the fall semester.
The markets are the God of most nations. Well, most First and Second World countries.
Correlation? Probably. At least the statistics prove the correlation to be true.
Does cilantro bear any resemblance to pesto?
Well, there's also the exploitation of Third World countries by those with money. So who knows. But I blame it all on those damn Europeans.
I guess America still has another hundred years of "imperialism" before the pot calls the kettle black.
You hit the mark with this one. Well done! That stuff is terrible.
How come John carried the week when he only had one more post than I did? I'm so unappreciated. Now I quit.
John carried the week because his A plus B scores were higher than yours.
A = number of posts
B = number of abusive comments that were hurled at him
@anon: Flavor-wise, no. Because pesto is made of basil, not cilantro. They are both green, tho.
Dear Foodman Chris,
Is there anyplace to get good pesto in Houston? I just keep buying jars in Queens, wrapping them in sweaters and smuggling them to Texas.
-loco
Honey, you can make pesto in five minutes. Put a bunch of garlic, basil, and some parmesan cheese in a blender with some olive. Toss in a some salt and pepper. Blend. Throw on pasta. Eat.
If it isn't imported from Italy, I'm not interested.
Mark Bittman would be very disappointed in you.
I hate to get technical and pretentious here, but pesto made from basil is called pesto alla genovese. There are a number of other regional variations that are "pesto".
And a while ago someone purchased a cilantro pecan pesto for me (which was pretty good). Of course I'd assume the recipe is not of Italian origin.
And Loco, I'll be honest, I don't know of any good pesto sauces imported from Italy. I usually make my own because there's nothing I've purchased in Houston that's worth spending my money on.
Now, back to working a 12 hour day.
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