Monday, March 16, 2009

Camouflage

Camouflage (or “Camo” for short) is one of many things rednecks and rappers have in common (one other commonality is handguns; I dare not list any others now that R3 is interested in fuckin’ “readership”). Its purpose is to “camouflage” someone or something from someone or something else. Its secondary purpose is to look totally badass and tuff-e-nuff. Usually one wears camouflage beginning in the fall—with the open of deer season—and quits wearing it in May—at the close of tom season. But some Americans (let’s call them oh say I don’t know Mississippians) view Camo as a year-round garb; some even go above and beyond the call of duty. And while I can’t stand rednecks (or the fact that ‘redneck’ is an acceptable term according to Microsoft Word, while ‘Camo’ and ‘camo’ are not); and while this really makes me insane; and while I don’t, and have never, and cannot anticipate ever wanting to hunt, I will admit to having some bizarre affection for seeing men and women and boys and girls don this material in early autumn. I’ve come to connect it with the time of year that leaves me nostalgic and sentimental--a little too drunk, a little too happy. So help me god, when I saw Miller’s camouflage tallboys this past October, I damn-near cried; I knew something good and sweet and short was oncoming.
Then some fatshit wearing these in July desecrated my temple.

(I’m more than ready to get my ass kicked for this post. You know us Norsemen: sentimental to the bone.)

(Image courtesy 'king Andrew, ca. Oct. 2008)
Rating: 58%

13 comments:

Chris said...

Those camo cans really made the High Life worth drinking.

laurie said...

Andrew, you're the only one interested in fucking our readership.

Also, I'm fairly certain there is a factory someplace where big, slimy demons drink cows blood and then piss into bottles all day long and that is where High Life comes from. Nothing else could possibly taste that bad.

DCP said...

Hey, there's no censorship here.

Viking Andrew said...

We're all in agree-ance here. The only headache worse than a High Life headache is a champagne-Wild Turkey-Lone Star-Bud Light-Jager-bomb headache.

LoCo said...

Touche, Andrew.

I associate hunting with plaid? Is that wrong? Sort of "Hunters in the Snow" and whatnot.

Viking Andrew said...

Loco,

"Hunters in the Snow" ala Wolff, or "The Hunters in the Snow" ala Pieter Bruegel? Haha. I'm such an asshole.

No, it's not wrong; it's just not Southern. It's way more "The Deer Hunter," i.e., working class North versus working class South.

Viking Andrew said...

As a Socialist, I have to condemn my last comment (i.e. flannel v. camo) as borderline class warfare.

LoCo said...

So you're a socialist now too?

"Hunters in the Snow" a la our favorite blue-pencil-wielding slickrick, of course.

Walter Benjamin and the Mechanical Reproductions (the band) said...

lol readership

Walter Benjamin and the Mechanical Reproductions (the band) said...

also do yall remember when glen sensored me b/c i spoiled his tard game and then he sensored me again when i spoiled his tard game another time too

Walter Benjamin and the Mechanical Reproductions (the band) said...

i think he sensored me one other time but i cant remember why (prolly rape joke or w/e)

laurie said...

Re: ""Hunters in the Snow" ala Wolff, or "The Hunters in the Snow" ala Pieter Bruegel? Haha. I'm such an asshole. "

I have absolutely no idea what that means.

John said...

You can never be too drunk.

That cake was fucking sweet.