The Big Dance

It’s March, which means March Madness!®©™ March Madness occurs when paunchy men and women trying to impress men all over the country waste company time by filling out their “brackets:” choosing which college basketball team will shoot more baskets (or “hoops,” as it were) and which team will shoot enough baskets to win the national championship. It’s a better system than the college football BCS (which is basically a gravy train run by ATT, Tostitos, etc., and university administrators; if you’ve ever wondered why universities seem to put more emphasis on football than they do academics, just look at these numbers. Your 4.0 GPA doesn’t mean shit to anyone but Grandma.) because smaller teams, sometimes referred to as Cinderellas, actually have a chance. The downside is there are so many goddamn teams—sixty-four—and that guy Clark in the next cubicle keeps harassing you to get your bracket in on time, bro! Never fear. Viking Andrew is here to help you out with three count them three first round predictions.

1. Ohio St. vs. Siena: OSU looked pretty weak against Purdue, but Purdue has a good outfit this year. Still, I’d say the Buckeyes are in trouble; they have to play a form of limonite clay in the first round! Go with Siena, in the upset (unless OSU pulls it off and wins. Then, go with the Buckeyes).

2. Duke vs. Binghamton: Binghamton has an athletic program? How cute! Go with Duke in an absolute bloodbath .

3. UNC vs. Radford: The Tar Heels are absent their best player, Ty Lawson who’s sitting out the first round with an injured toe (this is basketball, after all). They looked pathetic against Florida State last week. Still, UNC has Tyler Hansbrough, who never closes his mouth, ever . Something about his dumb-face will help UNC past the first round and, in all likelihood, into the Final Four.

I’m out of time / room. Read my addendum in the comments section, and good luck everyone!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah: I hate basketball.

Rating: 46%