Angelina Jolie

I can't pretend to be able to review Angelina Jolie as a person, so this review is going to focus on her status as a symbol of beauty and great acting. Wrong and wrong on both accounts. Look, her acting is not great and we can all agree on that, but I really can't believe it when people say that she's the hottest woman in history. Ten years ago she might have looked ok I guess, I was never really that into her, but now she looks like she should be in a video about starving kids in Ethiopia. EAT SOMETHING! In Wanted, there was a scene where the main dude, after becoming an assassin, goes back to his old apartment where his cheating, nagging girlfriend is, and she starts yelling at him again and trying to make him feel bad, so then Angelina Jolie's character grabs him and kisses him in front of his old girlfriend to make him feel bad or something. We, the audience, are supposed to go "Oh snap! That girl got burned because he's kissing Angelina Jolie, the hottest woman ever," but the audience I saw it with was silent, and I think it was because we all realized the no name actress playing his girlfriend was way hotter than Angelina Jolie. In conclusion, heroin is a hell of a drug.

RATING: 12%