When a co-worker showed me this video on youtube, I was confused. Had I missed an episode of Gossip Girl? Was someone trying to sell me mascara? But as a girl in a short pleated party dress stroked a kitten from the comfort of her pink satin bedspread, I figured it out: someone had recycled Jill Sobule's song, put some high heels and lipstick on it, and was repackaging it for the Miley Cyrus crowd. Katy assures all the homophobes out there that she didn't plan to kiss this girl, and that she was running on liquid courage when she did the deed. She muses, "I hope my boyfriend don't mind it." Well, Kit, you're gyrating in black lingere in a sea of women -- I'm guessing your man's A-OK. But, lest he feel that his machismo's been undermined, the song is peppered with all sorts of non-threatening ways of saying "I'M NOT A DYKE":"Don't mean I'm in love" = "I'm not about to start loading the U-HAUL."
"You're my experimental game" = "You don't matter! Honey, did you get that on the digicam? Be sure to tag it on facebook."
"I don't even know your name; it doesn't matter." = "I don't care who you are; I'm not planning on tagging you in this photo."
"It's not what good girls do." = "I know you're bummed I'll never try anal, but look! I'm still so naughty!""Ain't no big deal, it's innocent." = "I didn't see any vag."
Strangely, in this video, no girl ever kisses another girl. And further, in the ultimate scene, to prove to us that she's not planning on buying Birks and heading to Provincetown, video-Katy wakes up next to her sleeping boyfriend. Phew, it was just a dream! She DREAM-kissed a girl. She can still go to heaven after all.
RATING: 9%
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7 comments:
One of my (male) friends sent me this video yesterday and said he liked it. It sounds so damn awful that I couldn't get through more than about a minute of it. I didn't even make it to the chorus. Does it actually say "I didn't see any vag?" Hey, fuck you Katy Perry. Jill Souble needs to kick you ass, and not just metaphorically the way she does by having a much better song and video than you.
It's that bad, right? Perhaps the worst part of all is that it's currently #1 on Billboard, and on iTunes.
Arg, egads! In my rage I forgot to mention the Pillow Fight in Panties slo-mo sequence. I wish I were joking.
You also forgot to mention her hit follow up "Ur so gay."
I'm not kidding.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=tWbLkXhGEmo
For the love of god, someone please kill this woman. The sound of her voice actually makes me want to puke. I've never experienced anything quite like it. It's actual physical revulsion. Scary.
I can't wait for her follow-up hit, "Can Somebody Please Find Me a Cure for Herpes?"
I saw this dweeb on Entertainment Tonight or one of those shows like it, and when the female host asked her if she wanted to kiss, she got really uncomfortable and said, "My mom is watching!"
She should do an all-fake lesbian tour with T.A.T.U. and Tila Tequila.
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