Cannibal Holocaust

Structurally this movie, notorious for its excessive gore, depravity, etc, is interesting, since it's one of the first round footage horror flicks, but I dunno, it's pretty tough to watch a sea turtle actually get killed and mutilated on camera. Anyway the plot is some jerky white filmmakers basically rape and murder a bunch of indigenous people in South America and eventually some fight back and they all get killed, and there's a frame story of a professor finding the footage and watching it. I felt terrible the whole time I was watching the movie, so success?

RATING: 43%

Cinco De Mayo

Cinco De Mayo is __________ _____ _ __________ Mexico _____ ____ __ __ ________ battle ____ __ France _____ then ___ _____. ___ __ _ ______ Americans ___ _ ____ __ ___ always ___ _ _____ __ ___ ____ supremacy___ __ __ ______ __ identity ___ _ _____ __. ___ __ ________ _ ___? __ _____ __ _____ _____ ___ _____ _ __ __ _______ ____. ___ ___ ____ __ ___ ____ ______ __ __ ______ _______ __ ___ __________ _ ____ ________. ___ _ __ ____ _________ ___ ___________ ___ __ ____ ____.

RATING __%

Arkansas

Have you ever been to Arkansas? Arkansas is a state in the country of USA, a place Americans tend to live. I'm not really an expert on Arkansas or anything, but it seems fucking filthy and every time I go there people look at me like I'm about to crash a crop duster into their treasured landmark the twin grain towers. Last month when I was driving through Arkansas I stopped to use the restroom at a gas station. These two country-looking white folk were using the urinals, and when I walked in one looked at me, then said to the other one "Remember the good ole days?" Then the one who didn't say anything walked away from the urinal and I noticed he was peeing into a coffee pot. I'm not making this up, so in conclusion Arkansas is a state that you should probably avoid and also the birthplace of Bill Clinton.

RATING: 11%

The Duggars

This fucking family has eighteen kids. I don't know exactly why they're a media sensation. Some crazy white couple has twenty kids and they get a goddamn book, but if any other race did it white people all over America would point to it as a serious problem. Jesus, 20 and Counting!? Sounds like a threat. I guess it just proves that maybe I'm racist against white people though, because looking at them and all their kids I'm assuming it's because of Jesus or white supremacy. The lesson is birth control and abortions are a lot more affordable than eighteen additional mouths to feed, although I guess if it gets you a bestselling book then that might offset some of the costs.

RATING: 18%

Naming Your Child Adolf Hitler

If you're a white supremacist, I can tell you one guaranteed way to make sure your kid will grow up to not become a white supremacist and instead hate you forever - name him Adolf Hitler. The linked article is about how the kid couldn't get a cake with his name on it or something. I don't know if it qualifies as news, but if it isn't about the economy I'll take what I can get.

RATING: 2%