Xmas Marks the Spot

On their way back from a job upstate, the Ghostbusters pass through a time slip and end up in Victorian England. Without realizing it, they wind up busting the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future. After they return home, they notice that no one is celebrating Christmas and everyone is acting very Scrooge-like. To set things right and save Christmas, Egon goes into the containment unit to recover the Christmas Spirits while the rest of the guys go back through the time slip to teach Scrooge the lessons he was meant to learn. Along the way, Peter confronts his own issues with Christmas and comes to terms with some of the resentment he has towards his father. In the end, Christmas is saved and everyone raises a glass of some mysterious blue liquid that probably should have been painted another color to indicate that it was either punch or eggnog.

Rating: A Valuable Lesson%

Fun Fact: Lorenzo Music, who did the voice for Peter Venkman, also did the voice for Garfield for many years.

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Cause And Effect"

The Enterprise gets exploded over and over like a fiery version of Groundhog Day.

RATING: 63%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Yesterday's Enterprise"

Bitchin'.

RATING: 100%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "We'll Always Have Paris"

Picard meets up with an old flame and also everybody keeps having deja vu, the real kind I mean.

RATING: 62%

Star Trek - "The City on the Edge of Forever"

:(

RATING: 100%

Star Trek - "Tomorrow is Yesterday"

The Enterprise is accidentally slung back to 1960s Earth but doesn't do anything fun like interact with hippies or The Temptations or anything.

RATING: 65%

Enterprise S4E1/2 - "Storm Front"

The Enterprise winds up fighting Nazis in Brooklyn during an alternate WW2 in a two part episode that is just so silly and fun like the best of TOS.

RATING: 81%

Enterprise S3E11 - "Carpenter Street"

Archer and T'Pol travel back to 2004 era Detroit to stop a Xindi time travel plot. So everybody's just got super easy time travel I guess, cool.

RATING: 62%

Enterprise S2E16 - "Future Tense"

Enterprise S2E16 - "Future Tense"

The crew finds a ship that's bigger on the inside than on the outside. No it's not the Tardis, it's some ship from the future.

RATING: 52%

Enterprise S1E25/S2E1 - "Shockwave"

The Enterprise is gonna visit a colony of miners and accidentally instead blows them all up, whoops! Turns out they were framed, and through some time travel and torture and torturous time travel everything gets put right! Uh, except the dead colonists I guess.

RATING: 41%

Enterprise S1E10 - "Cold Front"

While meeting some space-religious-types on a pilgrimage to a space-cloud, Archer and co. also meet some time travelers who want to either fuck things up or save them. It's actually an ok episode before the time travelers come in and force a story arc because people nowadays apparently can't enjoy a show unless "everything's connected, man!"

RATING: 62%

Enterprise S1E1 - "Broken Bow"

Everybody hates Enterprise, and to be honest when I was 21 as soon as I heard the Scott Stapp style crooner whining his way through a barely plucked acoustic guitar as the theme song I clicked it off. This first episode is actually really great, it turns out, from effects to story to acting. The plot is there's a Klingon who accidentally crashes on Earth, so it's up to Captain Johnathan Archer and his brand new ship, the, uh, Enterprise (like, future people have a really small stable of names to pick from I guess) to carry this Klingon back to his home world, Klingo, but will everything go according to plan??? Also, gripezone, but Star Trek is always patting itself on the back for diversity yet in six TV shows every crewmember has been hetero cisgender Americans/Europeans with a couple aliens thrown in for good measure.

RATING: 76%

Cottrell Brewing Old Yankee Ale

A Beer For Every State #11 - Connecticut

I don't want to say that Yankees don't know how to make delicious microbrews, but I don't know if this really goes a long way to dispel that nasty rumor. It's a forgettable ale, and also it was warm, which I blame on the brewers and their families. (Caveat: I drank it eight months ago, so maybe the particulars aren't too fresh in my mind)

RATING: 55%

Hot Tub Time Machine

Hot Tub Time Machine is a time travel themed comedy starring John Cusack, Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson and Clark Duke, with appearances by Crispin Glover and Chevy Chase. In the film, the main characters travel back in time (via hot tub) to 1986, a simpler time filled with neon clothing, cassette tapes and cocaine. Our heroes attempt to navigate the past and find their way back to the present, while trying to avoid creating any potentially harmful time paradoxes. Also, there's a scene where someone projectile vomits on a squirrel. If there's a better time travel themed comedy out there that uses a hot tub as a plot device, I haven't seen it.

Rating: 1986%

(Image from impawards.com)

Metered Verse

About 150,000 years ago, some apes figured out that if they used a stick to beat on another stick while they talked, they could get other apes to pay attention and maybe even have sex with them, and metered verse was born. While the technique has long been abandoned by serious contemporary American poets, as well as other champions of liberty like Ezra Pound and T.S. Eliot, a few foreign poets such as Homer, Chaucer and Shakespeare have had modest success with it. In conclusion, it’s difficult to write in meter during a 90-second commercial break, especially if one is using both hands to cram Chick-fil-A into one’s slavering maw.

RATING: Ronald Reagan%

(Image from www.apolloscabinet.com.)

Camp Slaughter

A Month Of Halloweenie Reviews #6

Speaking of camps at which people are slaughtered, the only thing I wanted slaughtered when I watched this movie was my eyes from my face. I'm not sure how this piece of video-shot garbaggio ended up on my Netflix list, but whatever I did to deserve it I'm sorry. The plot is 90 minutes of BAAARRRRFFFFFF in which some kids from 2005 end up transported back to a day in 1981 on which an entire camp full of teens was slaughtered, or in other words had fake blood sprinkled on them from off screen. Thumbs down, lamb pit.

RATING: 9%

2008 CE

2008 was an ok year I guess. I got an MFA which was sweet, and also The Dark Knight came out which was also pretty cool if you ask me. There was some bullshit, though. Like for instance there was this economic thing I don't understand, but whatevs, I guess it was about time for a recession according to history who am I, Alan Greenspan? Also, war, starvation, poverty, and disease managed to go another year without being eliminated but on the other hand Iron Man was also great so it ends out of the red.

RATING: 51%

PS - That drawing is to scale.

Pacific Standard Time

I hope someone is reading this, before it's too late...I recently moved to Washington (state, not city), and something strange happened on the flight over here. I must've passed through a tear in the space-time continuum, because for whatever reason, I seem to have thrust myself (get this) forward in time by approximately three hours. While I know this may be hard to believe, and while I have no rational explanation for it, I've found that this isn't a temporary effect - it seems to be permanent!

WHY DO NFL GAMES START AT 10:00 IN THE MORNING!? HOW IS IT THAT I WILL BE ABLE TO WATCH THE END OF BASEBALL GAMES WITHOUT FEELING TIRED?

I assure you, I am not making this up. Please help me. My story must be told.

RATING: 89%

(photo courtesy of some dude's photobucket, I think)