Symphony No. 2 by Sergei Prokofiev

Everybody hates this piece because it's atonal, unpleasant, and aggressive, but then Chris Brown gets to be on the Grammys so it seems like this is right up America's alley (topical humor). This is pretty good despite the fact that Prokofiev never really went expressionist again for the rest of his career. I guess we all have our phases, and for some of us those phases are maybe brought on by constant threat of execution by the 2nd most murderous tyrant of the 20th Century (write nicer music for workers lol or else ;) - JS).

RATING: 71%

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RATING: -∞%

A Month of Boring Things - Day Seven: Miniature Golf

...is like real golf, only with screaming children and AstroTurf.











Rating: Shoottheballthroughthebird'snestandwinalifetimeofbanality%

Cocaine

Cocaine is responsible for Escape from L.A., "Chair Model", The Tommyknockers and the Columbian necktie. When the cops came to my school they told us it's really expensive and only kind of fun. Plus, it's super addictive and if you get caught with it you go to jail for like forever so don't do drugs, kids.

RATING: How the fuck should I know%

(Image from http://popularwitch.files.wordpress.com.)

Chris' Teeth

So what the fuck is up with Chris Loll's teeth? Has he made some sort of Faustian bargain with the tooth fairy? I used to have nice teeth when I was younger, but then I started smoking, drinking, and grinding grains and animal parts into a fine paste before swallowing. Now I have yellow teeth like a man should. Chris' teeth ought to have their own T.V. show or something.

RATING: 90%--I haven't seen his molars and God willing I never will.

(Image from Chris Loll's facebook profile)

Tahitian Victory Poncho

"Ah, Tahiti. The lush island whose carefree natives the painter Paul Gaughain used as icons of primitive bliss. The serene culture which Jean-Jacques Rousseau considered evidence that humans had been 'noble savages,' peaceful and benign, before their corruption by civilization. Unfortunately, as the anthropologist Lawrence Keeley has noted, Rousseau relied for this conclusion on reports of Tahiti that had omitted relevant parts of its history. For example: the custom in which a victorious warrior would "pound his vanquished foe's corpse flat with his heavy war club, cut a slit through the well-crushed victim and don him as a trophy poncho"" (Robert Wright, Nonzero, italics added).

This may be the most badass thing I've heard in my entire life.

RATING: Off the motherfucking chart.

(Image from www.oceansbridge.com.)

La-Z-Boy Chairs

La-Z-Boy chairs are amazing. I don't find them all that good to sleep in because they hurt my back, and the gap between the footrest and the ass-pillow (what you Americans call a "seat") allows a draught to blow up under my blankie. I own 2 La-z-Boy chairs, one in Canada and one in Texas, both of which tend to make me so drowsy that I don't get any studying done at all. I intend to die in a La-z-Boy some day, hopefully of plain old age and not cancer or an asteroid collision, heroin overdose, or bear mauling. Getting mauled by a heroin addicted bear with cancer would be pretty awful too, although I guess I could take some solace in the fact that he wouldn't feel a thing.

RATING: 87%

(Image from www.livingtonsfurn.com.)