Summit Extra Pale Ale

A Beer For Every State #16 - Minnesota

Once I went to the biggest mall in the country, The Mall of America, and I was like "Mall of America, that's redundant, amirite?" Then I bought some super spicy ghost chili peanuts I really liked from the spice store, and also they had two Orange Juliuses. This is the kind of beer you could probably enjoy while eating a wine glass full of fried shrimp from the Mall of America Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. I suppose.

RATING: 55%

Sweetgrass APA

A Beer For Every State #15 - Idaho

American pale ales are kind of boring, and I'd say the same thing about Idaho because of Mormons, Boise, etc., but Idaho is actually really beautiful. This beer is not beautiful. But what is beauty! Well I'll tell you it's at least not this array of mild hops that has a distinct aftertaste of dirty copper.

RATING: 35%

Upland Something

A Beer For Every State # 14 - Indiana

I can't remember the specific name for this beer, and can't tell from that photo I took apparently by candlelight. It was a wheat beer, and was ok despite (because of?) A distinct cookie dough aftertaste. Also I am testing a blogging app so apologies to Indiana and also our readers if the formatting is off.

RATING: 55%

Saluki Dunkeldog

A Beer For Every State #13 - Illinois

I tried this beer, brewed in Murfysboro, close to my parent's home town, after drinking some Goose Island and thinking it was just the worst. This is a dark beer, which I never was too big into when living in the South, but we'll see how that changes during my first Michigan winter. Almost reminiscent of a chocolate stout, and also the beer with the worst name so far. "How's it going Mitch?" "Awful - they had to lay off 30 of the guys down at the mill. I'll need a Dunkeldog to wash away the pain on this one."

RATING: 66%

Samuel Adams Coastal Wheat

A Beer For Every State #12 - Massachusetts

My friends, who are admittedly mostly pinko liberal hippies, tend to deride every beer that is not out of a craft brewery, and while I agree that craft and micro breweries usually put out the best beers, I have to admit there are a few big beers out there I'm partial to - Shiner, Blue Moon, MGD 64 (jk on the last one). Samuel Adams puts out some good seasonals, and I think the Coastal Wheat was pretty good. Wheat beers are kind of hard to get wrong, I think, especially with everybody putting all kinds of citrus slices in them to try to turn them into a Zima or something. I can't imagine a situation where you'd have to drink this instead of Blue Moon, a much better big company wheat, but I don't really know what Massachusetts is like. Yes they deserved to die, and I hope they burn in Hell!

RATING: 60%

Cottrell Brewing Old Yankee Ale

A Beer For Every State #11 - Connecticut

I don't want to say that Yankees don't know how to make delicious microbrews, but I don't know if this really goes a long way to dispel that nasty rumor. It's a forgettable ale, and also it was warm, which I blame on the brewers and their families. (Caveat: I drank it eight months ago, so maybe the particulars aren't too fresh in my mind)

RATING: 55%

Montana Brewing Company Sharptail Pale Ale

A Beer For Every State #10 - Montana

The menu at this restaurant in Billings claimed this beer was for "serious hopheads only," but I guess they must have meant drug addicts, because this beer was totally bland. It was brewed in restaurant, and I've never had a good restaurant brewed beer, so fine, fine. However, the burger at this place was definitely a top ten burger, so if you ever mess up your life and are in Billings, there's that at least.

RATING: 37%

Pike Kilt Lifter

A Beer For Every State #9 - Washington

Since I drank this after getting off a plane zonked out on Klonopin, I can only assure you that I thought it was good for some reason, just as I thought the pothole was good, the wasps buzzing near the ground were good, the pretty lights were good, the luggage rack was good, etc.

RATING: 65% (Good)

(Image stolen from The Sum of All Beers, which seems to be a pretty decent beer blog)

Brooklyn Brand East India Pale Ale

A Beer For Every State #8 - New York

Although their lager is way better, this is still an ok IPA from America's only brewery with a black brewmaster. Best enjoyed nowhere near New York, so you can pay less than $13 for a six pack.

RATING: 72%

Schlitz Beer

A Beer For Every State #7 - Wisconsin

Schlitz is the beer that made Milwaukee famous in the same way that killing and exhuming women in order to make a lady suit out of their skin was the act that made Ed Gein famous.

RATING: 11%

Real Ale Devil's Backbone

A Beer For Every State #6: Texas

Tries too hard and gives me a headache.

RATING: 60%

Lazy Magnolia Southern Pecan

A Beer For Every State #5 - Mississippi

In honor of Lazy Magnolia, here's a lazy review:

The big selling point is that this beer is made with, and tastes like pecans.

This beer doesn't really taste like pecans.

Oil spill joke.

More fail from Mississippi!

RATING: 62% (it is beer!)

Abita Ale's Turbodog

A Beer For Every State #4 - Louisiana

The big selling point for Turbodog, according to the label, is that it is brewed with natural spring water. Well, that makes sense, since it tastes a lot like water. Nah, just kidding; that just seemed like the obvious insult to make. It's a pretty ok dark brown ale that I'm probably not giving a fair enough shot since I'm drinking it straight from the bottle. But then again, in Louisiana I've only ever been to Bourbon Street in New Orleans. That was probably not a fair enough shot either.

RATING: 71%

Sweet Water 420 Extra Pale Ale

A Beer For Every State #3 - Georgia

I loves me a pale ale, and this one is ok? It's hoppy, but not IPA hoppy, and I guess I would enjoy it if I'm ever in Georgia for some terrible reason, but it does have a sticky aftertaste reminiscent of puke or bongwater. Maybe that's where the 420 comes in, ha ha dudes, get it? I'm making it sound much worse than it is. As far as true southern states (beers) go, Georgia (this beer) is probably the best. But that's only because of Atlanta. And, uh, hops.

RATING: 70%

Heavy Seas Gold Ale

A Beer For Every State #2 - Maryland

As part of Glenn's excellent "A Beer For Every State" series, I will be helping out by providing reviews of beers from weird states, or perhaps beers that I happen to get in the mail or while traveling or from a store. Hence, Maryland's Heavy Seas Golden Ale, brewed in Baltimore, and the (not really) official beer of the only football team named after a poem.

Like the state in which it is brewed, this beer is boring as hell, and relatively nondescript. If you have a friend who likes Bud Light or somesuch, they will also like this. If you like extra-malty, extra-hoppy, or fascinating flavors in your beer, you will probably drink this if you don't have anything else, and not be upset. (Caveat: unless you are drinking BECAUSE you are upset - then you are completely out of luck.) At any rate, what it lacks in flavor, it makes up for in being mildly pirate themed and woefully difficult to acquire outside of the greater Baltimore area.

Verily, much like the postman, I come late and I deliver in disappointment.

RATING: 51%

Key West Sunset Ale

A Beer For Every State #1 - Florida

I lived in Florida for 13 years and never had a beer that was brewed there, so while bounding from corner to corner of the Sunshine State this past weekend I decided I needed to seek one out. The only one I found in the grocery store was Key West Sunset Ale, which is exactly the kind of beer you would never realize or care that you've gone 13 years without trying. It's just OK. When you first take a sip you are struck by the distinct and beautiful array of flavors this beer offers, but as you get closer to the center of the bottle you realize that it is just as forgetful and disgusting as every other southern state. I mean, beer.

RATING: 66%

(I stole the image from this blog. I don't usually post where I steal images from, but this place seemed close to our hearts in spirits [ha ha get it.])