Earth

Earth is a place you might know by looking around right now. It is the only planet in the solar system to have produced three Knight Rider television series, sentient life, and pornography. If you want to go to CiCi's Pizza and eat all the pizza you can until you puke for $4.99, then Earth is the planet for you. If you want to immediately die of asphyxiation and extreme atmospheric conditions, then try any one of the other seven planets why don't you. Other things Earth has produced that no other planet we know of can get credit for: poetry, love, the Chick-Fil-A advertising campaign "Eat Mor Chikin," hate, witty bumper stickers, jock straps, and Darkhawk.

RATING: 100%

Massachusetts Drivers

I don't know for a FACT that Massachusetts drivers are the worst drivers in the world, but they've gotta be in the top five. I know what you're thinking...you're thinking "I live in Manhattan/St. Petersburg/Rome/Venezuela, and I think OUR drivers are the worst!" Two quick things: (#1) You are incredibly wrong and (#2) Most other places have an excuse.

In the greater Boston area, judging from my personal experience, no one knows where they are going, at any time, ever. Add this to an already eclectic cocktail of drunks, old people that can't see over the steering wheel, people who have mastered the "Rhode Island Shuffle", 18-year-old douchebags, and cab drivers hopped up on amphetamines, and you've got the absolute worst driving experience ever.

I'm sure you're asking yourself why I gave Mass Drivers anything over a 0%...well, all I can say is that sometimes its nice to live in a place where I am considered a good driver.

RATING: 5% (This means that it is worse than just about everything, and better than virtually nothing.)

(image courtesy of nicaliving.com)