Lamb

A couple farmers deliver a baby from a sheep that turns out to be half human. This is one of those “horror” movies whose purview is mostly just sadness. You’ll feel bad watching it but won’t be scared!

RATING: 67%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Galaxy's Child"

Geordi's holodeck crush comes on board for real and a space slug thinks the Enterprise is its mommy.

RATING: 67%

Star Trek - "Friday's Child"

McCoy slaps a pregnant woman which, and I'm no expert, may be grounds for a malpractice suit.

RATING: 41%

Enterprise S1E4 - "Unexpected"

You know that thing where you meet an alien species so you accidentally hold hands and then grow a bunch of extra nipples because you're now pregnant? No?

RATING: 69%

Satire

Satire is when you pretend to agree with something that you don't actually agree with and then talk about it like it's good and right in order to show that it's bad and wrong. Bad satire ends up helping bad ideas by mistake and subtle satire just makes people think it does on purpose. The difference between the two can be a matter of taste, like I think Wondershowzen is actually pretty racist but other people might think I'm Hitler or something. Other times people are just too stupid to get it, like when a dumb guy or girl in your class shows you an old Family Guy episode to prove that that sexism is rampant on TV. Anyway, a baby makes a pretty good stew.

RATING: 89%

(Image from www.woofkitty.co.uk.)

Top 20 Baby Names of 2008

Top 10 Girls Names:
1. Emma RATING: 37%
Admit it, you've never read Austen in your life.
2. Sophia RATING: 71%
Thank you for being a friend.
3. Madison RATING: 4%
Sure, go ahead and name your daughter after the most materialistic avenue in world. Might as well add "Rodeo" to this list, too.
4. Isabella RATING: 29%
Points off for pretension.
5. Olivia RATING: 80%
Okay this one's kinda cute.
6. Ava RATING: 63%
Points off for having sex with Hitler.
7. Madeline RATING: 51%
It was a fun kids' book, but c'mon.
8. Addison RATING: 2%
If you are naming your baby after a Grey's Anatomy character, you need to be sterilized.
9. Hailey RATING: 18%
Have you seen the Duff sisters?
10. Lily RATING: 85%
It's a flower, it's classic. It's not like "Peony" or "Hydranea"

Top 10 Boys Names:
1. Aiden RATING: 24%
Your son will so get beat up by the Mikes and Matthews of this world.
2. Jayden RATING: 2%
Taking baby-naming tips from Ma Brit-Brit = sterilization
3. Ethan RATING: 55%
Yeah that one's fine I guess. A little dull, but fine.
4. Jacob RATING: 31%
That name better have been your grandma's deathbed request.
5. Caden RATING: 1%
Now you're just making things up that rhyme with Aiden and Jayden. Who wants to yell out "Caden" during sex? Give your son a break.
6. Jackson RATING: 17%
Might wanna re-think this one, Mama.
7. Noah RATING: 39%
When Matt and Mike are done with Aiden, they're coming for Noah.
8. Jack RATING: 87%
Yes please. Give your son a nice normal snappy name so he doesn't end up incarcerated or fathering a "Madison" or a "Jayden." Also points for not coming from the Bible.
9. Logan RATING: 26%
Does your son have superpowers? No? Pick another name.
10. Matthew RATING: 72%
Lacks imagination, but at least he's not getting beat up. Unless you call him "Matty." Don't do that.

Bristol Palin

Who?

RATING: 15%

Stunks

Stunks are a lot like skunks, except they live in your apartment instead of your backyard and they only smell bad twice a day. They cry a lot, but they're so cute that it almost doesn't bother you that you're stuck at home on Friday night and you'll never, ever have sex again.

RATING: 100%

Elective Fertility

Tonight I accidentally turned on a show that had teenagers living in a house and wearing fake pregnancy tummies. Turns out this show was called "The Baby Borrowers,"and its tagline is "It's Not TV -- It's Birth Control." About five teen couples who I guess want babies live on a cul-de-sac and take classes, build cribs, and then take care of someone else's infant for three days. All the crying, whining, spitting and drooling was unbearable. The babies were pretty cute, though. It really made me wish that us American human females all had switches installed in us, and we could turn the switch only when we wanted to be fertile, but not before we were at least nineteen, OR had passed some sort of Common Sense and General Maturity test. One girl cried and locked herself in the bathroom and refused to wear her pregnancy tummy because she looked "fat." Homegirl, you gonna be fat for a LONG TIME if you get pregnant. Actually, forget being allowed to have kids -- based on what I witnessed on NBC this evening and on my own life experiences, I'm not even sure that teenagers should be allowed to date.

RATING: 29%