Cassette Tape Memories: Bull by Bootsauce

This is a really, really awful fucking album by a really, really awful Canadian band who would have never been on the radio if it wasn't for CanCon requirements. The main thing I remember about this tape was that at a friend's birthday party in grade seven Internet John, our friend John A. and I lipsynched the song "Touching Cloth" from this album in a lipsynching contest. We were the dorkiest kids in our grade, and nobody expected us to break it down with fake guitars and everything, so we won like 13 bucks! Then the birthday kid took the money and got drunk on wine coolers. That's ok, though, because while he was puking behind his house the rest of us were playing girls v. boys kiss tag and the drunk kid's girlfriend kissed me (score I guess?). So the lesson is if you like terrible RHCP cover bands and wanting to kill yourself, this album is for you.

RATING: 20%

Old Friends

Old friends do things like post hilarious photos of you from the 80's on your blog. They don't care about your political orientation or if you hate every single movie they like--they knew you back when you wore jogging pants every day and listened to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack. Sometimes they're sure you owned the complete set of seacons and think you must be retarded or something for not remembering, but then again maybe it was them having seizures on the freeway.

RATING: a self-congratulatory 95%