Summer Rental

After being forced to take some time off from his stressful job as an air traffic controller, Jack Chester packs up the car and drives his family down to Citrus Cove, Florida. Between the noisy neighbors and the overcrowded beaches, the vacation is far from smooth sailing (pun intended, you'll see.) Things only get worse for Jack after he runs afoul of Al Pellet, a big-time townie snob played by Rambo's Richard Crenna. Much like The Great Outdoors, Summer Rental is light on plot. Whether or not the movie succeeds will depend on your appreciation of John Candy's comedic stylings. Crenna is great in the villain role. And Rip Torn plays Scully, a local restaurateur who helps Jack learn how to sail. There's a great scene where Jack and Scully get drunk and play darts, which is a microcosm of the film overall, it's goofy but it's also heartfelt.

Rating: 74%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach

Commandant Lassard and (most of) his favorite Academy graduates head down to a police convention in Miami Beach, where Lassard is set to be honored as the Police Officer of the Decade. But, after a mix-up at the airport, Lassard gets kidnapped by some jewel thieves. Can our favorite cops rescue Lassard and stop the crooks or will Proctor and Captain Harris just mess things up again? The gags are bigger and more cartoonish in Police Academy 5 but the change in scenery keeps things from getting too stale. Tab Thacker returns as Officer House from Citizens on Patrol and, in this installment, we're introduced to Commandant Lassard's nephew, Sergeant Nick Lassard. Nick is played by Matt McCoy, who does a good job, but, let's be honest, he's no Steve Guttenberg.

Rating: 62%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Fun Fact: The jewel thieves include René Auberjonois from Deep Space Nine, Archie Hahn from Meatballs Part II (and several Joe Dante movies) and Ruben Rabasa from the focus group sketch in I Think You Should Leave.

Spring Break

Due to an overbooking mishap, two Spring Break newbies get paired up with some seasoned party animals. Bawdy hijinks ensue. Technically, there is a little bit more to the movie than that but nobody ever watched Spring Break for the subplots about political campaigns and shady real estate deals. It's a movie that was made for people who wanted to see boobs and butts on the big screen. Spring Break definitely tries to replicate some of the humor and debauchery of movies like Porky's and Animal House, but never quite manages to achieve those heights.

Rating: 62%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Uninvited

A bunch of Spring Breakers end up on a Wall Street tycoon's yacht with a deadly, mutated cat. It's simultaneously better and worse than it sounds. When the cat isn't killing people, they use a real cat. A big, fluffy, orange cat. It's not menacing in any way. But, when it's killing time, they use an unconvincing cat puppet with a second unconvincing cat puppet coming out of the first cat puppet's mouth. Now, if that description of the cat puppets didn't make a whole lot of sense to you, rest assured that seeing it for yourself in the movie won't make very much sense either. Let's just say that Uninvited is not a good movie, but it definitely is a good time. The practical special effects in the movie are particularly bloody and over the top. The acting isn't great, but the movie does feature performances from character actor icons George Kennedy and Clu Gulager. George Kennedy sleepwalks through his performance. Clu Gulager, on the other hand, makes some big choices with his part. I laughed a lot while watching Uninvited. It's going on my list of favorite bad horror movies, right next to Prom Night II.

Rating: 59%

(image from Wikipedia)

Revenge of the Creature

The Creature from the Black Lagoon is captured and taken to Florida, where it's put on display at an aquarium. After a few weeks of being gawked at by yokels and prodded by scientists, the Creature breaks its chains and goes on an old fashioned killing spree. Who could have ever seen that coming? The Creature also kidnaps the pretty lady scientist who'd been studying it. From there, it's up to our man Clete (yes, his first name is Clete) to rescue the girl and get his own revenge on the Creature. Released the year after The Creature from the Black Lagoon, Revenge feels like a bit of a rush job. There's some recycled footage from the first movie in it and a few of the underwater scenes look like they were filmed in a hotel pool. But despite having been mocked on Mystery Science Theater 3000, it's not all bad. While it's definitely a step down in quality from the original film, it still has some charm.

Rating: 55%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Ernest Saves Christmas

I get that Ernest isn't everyone's cup of tea. The movies look cheap and they're clearly made for children. The humor is big, broad and basic. I can't deny any of those criticisms. However, I know I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Ernest Saves Christmas. It's probably the first movie I ever saw in theatres twice. It's the first thing I think of whenever I see something else with "Saves Christmas" in the title. And while it's not a movie I go back to often, whenever I do, I still enjoy it. Case in point, not even the ancient DVD I watched for this review, which showed the movie in widescreen but was not formatted for a widescreen TV, could hinder my enjoyment of the movie. Know what I mean?

Rating: 69%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Fun Fact: Robert Lesser, who played Marty, played the businessman in Die Hard who told McClane that he should take off his shoes and walk around barefoot.

Nightmare Beach

aka Welcome to Spring Break

I've never been to an execution before but I've seen enough movies to know that if the person who's about to be executed swears that they'll come back to get their revenge, that's a threat that you shouldn't blow off too easily. It's advice like that that could've helped the poor folks of Manatee Beach. After executing Diablo, leader of the Demons motorcycle gang, for a crime he didn't commit, corpses start to pile up around town. The powers that be are keen to cover up the murders but a plucky college quarterback and his dead-eyed bartender gal pal won't rest until the find out who's behind the killings. If you've seen a slasher movie before, you won't have much trouble figuring out who's the killer. It's pretty obvious within the first ten minutes or so. That said, Nightmare Beach is still an enjoyable late period slasher, with good performances from John Saxon and Michael Parks.

Rating: 68%

(Image from IMDB)

Key West Sunset Ale

A Beer For Every State #1 - Florida

I lived in Florida for 13 years and never had a beer that was brewed there, so while bounding from corner to corner of the Sunshine State this past weekend I decided I needed to seek one out. The only one I found in the grocery store was Key West Sunset Ale, which is exactly the kind of beer you would never realize or care that you've gone 13 years without trying. It's just OK. When you first take a sip you are struck by the distinct and beautiful array of flavors this beer offers, but as you get closer to the center of the bottle you realize that it is just as forgetful and disgusting as every other southern state. I mean, beer.

RATING: 66%

(I stole the image from this blog. I don't usually post where I steal images from, but this place seemed close to our hearts in spirits [ha ha get it.])

My weekend in Key West

That picture of a completely devastated surf and turf that was paid for by my brother in law pretty much sums up how awesome my weekend was. Also, I rode a mechanical bull and stayed on for all eight seconds. Huz-zah.

Rating: 97%