Hockey

The Canadian adored sport has the low scoring of futbol, the concussionivity of football and all the white people you could ever want. Hard to keep with the puck sometimes. No dunks.

Rating: 40%

Literary Journals

You got your poem about blue jays published in the Iowa Review? You're famous! Congratulations, John Keats!

RATING: 0%

(Except for NANO Fiction. Subscribe, please!)

Salt

Salt is pretty good for getting leeches off and also for making the ice melty on the sidewalk. On the other hand, it's pretty bad for you if you have high blood pressure and it stings when you get it on your fingers and then put them in your eye like I just did. The Russian word for hospitality is khlebsolny or хлебосольный or some shit and means "bread and salt" but don't believe it, they always really want Miracle Whip.

RATING: 70%

(Image from some dumb blog)

Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee

Semi-Homemade is a terrible show on the Food Network where the WASP-iest woman you've ever seen "combines 70% ready-made products with 30% fresh" to make mediocre 70% processed food dishes that I wouldn't let anywhere near my damn kitchen. Recipe highlights include "Mascarpone and Grape Puff Pastry Bites" (includes bacos!), "Tea Sandwiches" (Seriously? Tea Sandwiches?), and Spicy Bat Wings and Bat Chips with Goblin Dip (received a whopping ONE star from reviewers on her website). The only props I will give this show is that Lee includes a cocktail recipe in each episode, but I do have to take those props back because she also includes a "tablescape" design in each episode. Lame!

Rating: 2%