Planet of the Spiders

On a tip from Mike Yates, Sarah Jane Smith sets out for the countryside to investigate the goings on at a Tibetan meditation centre. Meanwhile back at UNIT HQ, the Doctor's experiments with ESP and telekinesis take a strange turn after his test subject comes into contact with a blue crystal from Metebelis Three. The serial that follows ends up being an excellent send-off for the Third Doctor. It's practically a highlight reel of his era with gadgets, cars, appearances from UNIT, mentions of past companions, displays of Venusian aikido, and on and on. Planet of the Spiders really brings the Third Doctor era to a nice, tidy conclusion.

Rating: I would appreciate it if you'd shut up for a moment%

Children of the Corn: Genesis

I considered reviewing this movie second to last because Wikipedia seems to suggest that it's a sequel to the original Children of the Corn film and not the 2009 remake. Frankly, it doesn't really matter. This movie is barely tied to the other films. They sneak in a pre-credits sequence in Gatlin, but the rest of the movie takes place in California. There are barely any children in the movie, which is hilarious because the word children is in the freaking title. Genesis has the look and feel of a modern day remake of a seventies grindhouse movie. Everything looks gross and the general color palette is varying shades of sun baked dirt. Basically, it's pretty slow and dumb like a lot of the other Children the Corn sequels. And I just realized that I don't have to watch any more of these movies. Which means I don't have to write anything else about these movies. So, peace out homies.

Rating: Children of the Hills Have Eyes Massacre%

Fun Fact: Duane Whitaker, who played Pritchett the truck driver, was one of the redneck rapists in Pulp Fiction.

(Image from Wikipedia)

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

Stop me if you've heard this one before: a young girl accidentally drowns her father with her burgeoning psychic powers. Years later, she returns to the lake where it all happened (you can guess which lake I'm talking about) with her mother and her creepy therapist. The girl with psychic powers, now a young lady, accidentally revives an axe wielding maniac who had been lying dormant at the bottom of the lake. Said maniac decides to butcher a cabin full of horny teens who happened to be gathered nearby for a birthday party, thus leading to an epic showdown of psycho vs psychic.

Rating: Bashed against a tree in a sleeping bag%

(Image from horrordvds.com)