Sausage Parties

Sausage parties are what you call it when a bunch of heterosexual men get together and do something utterly lacking in sex appeal, like sitting in the Pub O' Love at the Flying Saucer eating chicken and telling each other to fuck off, or posting a bunch of hypothetical reviews of comics, beers, meat and Great Lakes on some hypothetical blog that hypothetically has female posters who don't write as many hypothetical posts as their hypothetical male co-posters. Sure, they might be hypothetically in the middle of law school exams or some big shot hypothetical ****** of some hypothetical fancy pants ******* or whatever, but that doesn't change the fact that Chris, Glenn, etc. make one's testicles want to crawl back up into one's body and commit suicide. Wo-men need to make time for trivial, vulgar indolence too. It's not like it's gonna get any easier when you guys have babies.

RATING: 37%, or maybe just sexist%

(Image from www.demondg1.com.)

Old Friends

Old friends do things like post hilarious photos of you from the 80's on your blog. They don't care about your political orientation or if you hate every single movie they like--they knew you back when you wore jogging pants every day and listened to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack. Sometimes they're sure you owned the complete set of seacons and think you must be retarded or something for not remembering, but then again maybe it was them having seizures on the freeway.

RATING: a self-congratulatory 95%