Waitress at The Fox and Hound

Yes, you have taut, coffee-coloured skin, the thick, straight, black hair of an Egyptian princess and you look great in a postage stamp-sized slutty Hallowe'en costume. But in 20 years you'll be covered in stretch marks and hairy moles like the rest of us, and no one will like you because you're mean to everybody. Perhaps I'm too judgmental and the real reason you're so rude is because you stayed up all last night reading Sense and Sensibility while caring for your ailing mother, but that still wouldn't explain your raging sense of entitlement.

RATING: 17%, because people who deal with drunks earn their tips.

(Image from rlv.zcache.com.)

Weight Watchers Giant Latté Ice Cream Bar

"Hey, fatty, I got a movie for ya--A Fridge Too Far."

Weight Watchers Giant Latté Ice Cream Bars (or, as I like to call them, WWGLICB's) only have 90 calories each, so you can basically eat 3 of them at a time. Also, they contain an adorable little linear sulphated polysaccharide called carrageenan, which promotes long term weight loss by possibly giving you intestinal cancer. Funnily enough, it may also prevent herpes. Go figure.

RATING: 75%

(Image from s3.amazonaws.com.)

Miracle Whip

Miracle Whip is a sweet, mayonnaise-type dressing consumed on sandwiches and in salads by people who fuck their cousins. What's scary is that there are diners other than Russians and burn victims who can't tell the difference.

RATING: 10% in a jar, 2% on a ham salad sandwich at the church picnic.

*shudder*

(Image from ninecooks.typepad.com. Look closely and it gets even worse.)