Hurricane Ike: Hurricane Blogging

It was probably a good idea in theory to live blog the hurricane like a real news source, but then when power gets knocked out that sucks and/or is impossible to do. Now I'm sick of hearing/writing/experiencing everything about the hurricane. The TV is all "disaster this" and "bullshit that," instead of "Family Guy" this and "Star Trek marathon" that, like it should be. Hey, I know lots of people are still in the dark (ha ha get it like they don't have power and don't know what the deal is) but lets go ahead and try to have a less mature website again, ok? In conclusion, the hurricane sucks, titties balls fuck ass.

RATING: 13%

Hurricane Ike: City Of Houston pt. 1

That place got its shit fucked up! There's pieces of crap all over the motherfucker, and most people don't have power or food and shit. There's a curfew, and that's a real bitch, and also some people have to work so what the shit is that about? All in all, Hurricane Ike was totally fucking lame but at least some ruined buildings look cool all fucked as long as you don't live there or own them.

RATING: 28%

(Sorry no photos yet, internet is sporadic)

Having your internets knocked out by Ike

Glenn tells me this sucks real bad.

Rating: 3%

Hurricane Ike: Drinking

Well, we've got to conserve all that water in case the power goes out, and the Lone Star beer certainly won't be any better warm.

Other things I've also used the hurricane as an excuse for: not grading, not reading poetry, not writing poetry, eating pizza and snacks all day long, playing video games and watching Arrested Development and The Office on DVD.

RATING: 82%

Hurricane Ike: 11:05 pm

The wind is gusting now and sometimes it's like "please, don't break any windows". Guessing by my meteorological estimates, this hurricane will hit around 2 am (CST) . It's this kind of quality hard-hitting journalism and videography that differentiates us from the rest. No hype, just the raw facts. In streaming video.

RATING: 35% or BORED

Hurricane Ike: Villa Roma Pizza

So let's say there's a hurricane heading towards your town and you're looking for a bite to eat, some simple takeout before you need to "hunker down," as the local news outlets like to say. Where to go? How 'bout those 24-hour joints like Burger King, McDonald's, Taco Bell, KF"We can't legally call it 'chicken' anymore"C? Pretty shitty options, huh? Well, even all of the above places were closed as of 3pm this afternoon. Just when we'd given up hope, we spotted Villa Roma Pizza on Holly Hall. I've gotten pizza from here before, but it tasted all the better for being open, serving fresh pies, and ready to prepare you whatever you wanted. I bet they brought in an assload of money. Anything that puts off me opening one of those cans of baked beans is a very very good thing.

RATING: 80%

Hurricane Ike: Preparing for a Hurricane

Look, I'm from New York, so I don't really understand how this all works. When it looked like this hurricane might hit Houston and be "serious" (i.e. not a pathetic drizzle that canceled my flight home last month, or the sunny day that was Gustav here), I'm more than willing to buy into the buzz and prepare in case I find myself without power and fighting with my boyfriend's cats over food. I went to Kroger (a supermarket, for all you Yankees) and stood in a surprisingly polite line after scraping the bottom of the barrel for supplies. There was no more water at all, only a few sports drinks and Lipton green tea. The bread was almost all out, except for English muffins, and, inexplicably, bagels. WHO DOESN'T LOVE BAGELS? I don't understand the south. So I wound up buying bagels, assorted canned vegetables, and baked beans. Have I ever bought baked beans before in my life? Are baked beans produced exclusively for hurricanes? I have so much to learn.

RATING: 36%

Hurricane Ike: 9:13 pm

A little better than that first Newcastle.

RATING: 49%

Hurricane Ike: Asshole Apartment Complexes

Sometimes when you move you schedule a date months in advance like we did, and then it turns out to be the date a hurricane is supposed to hit. So you might call up your apartment complex and say, hey, we're moving from one apartment to another one in your exact same complex and a hurricane is hitting, can we have an extra day or two? If they are nice they will say "sure, be safe," but if they are assholes they will say "No, you have to be out of your old apartment on Saturday and have the key to us then, by the way you can't have your new apartment's key until right before you're supposed to move, suckers." Guess which happened to us?

RATING: 1%

Hurricane Ike: 8:14 pm

Delicious.

RATING: 41%

Hurricane Ike: 6:23 pm

I wish we could have done an update earlier, but there's not much to update. I'd say the winds are picking up (can't you see the swaying tops of the palm trees!), there are less idiots like me on the streets, and everything is closed now. So this is like 3 hours ago, but way way more boring. Ike, you're letting us down.

RATING: 23%

Hurricane Ike: 3:36 pm

Well, it's pretty boring right now. There's like no rain, but it's gray outside. Windy? Okay, sure I guess. Anyway, I was driving around and there's still a lot of places open to eat or drink, which is pretty nice. In fact, I drove by a bar and a lot of people were out on the patio drinking. I wish I could say that's a pretty stupid thing to do but this thing isn't supposed to hit until 1 am. At R3 we're here to keep you up-to-date with all the "facts" and none of the hype.

RATING: 34%