Enterprise S3E6 - "Exile"

A psychic alien Phantom-of-the-Operas Hoshi as Enterprise continues its search for that Death Star they've been looking for.

RATING: 53%

The Empire Strikes Back on Spike TV

The Empire Strikes Back is a good movie, possibly the best entry in the original Star Wars trilogy. But if you ever find yourself flipping through the channels and you see that The Empire Strikes Back is playing on Spike TV, just keep flipping past it. Even if you're a huge Star Wars geek, it's not worth watching. Normally Empire is only a little over two hours long, but once Spike breaks it up with commercials for UFC and Axe Body Spray, it runs over three hours. That means, in order to see a good movie, you have to sit through at least an hour of commercials. Horrible, horrible, mind numbingly awful commercials.

Rating: Falling asleep with the TV on%

(Image from creativebrief.thoughtdistrict.com)

People Who Refer To "Star Wars" as "Episode IV" or "A New Hope"

You think I'd willingly see a movie called "A New Hope?" It sounds like it should star Kirk Cameron and detail how all the ways I enjoy life are leading me to Hell. I'm not sure when the shift from Star Wars to Episode IV happened exactly, but I'm 99% sure that it wasn't until George Lucas started adding digital fart jokes into his movies as he always intended back in 1997, so we can probably call a moratorium on that garbaggio now, s'il vous plait.

RATING: 31%

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed

This video game is based on the small independent movie series Star Wars. In it, you play as some dude who is Darth Vader's secret apprentice between Episode III and IV (nerdspeak). The story, dialogue, and acting are all immensely better than any of the prequel trilogy, but I guess that's like saying I personally have more hockey ability than a quadruple amputee. Anyway, it's pretty fun to throw stormtroopers around with the force or punt a Jawa, but the game is really short so my professional opinion is to rent it or something, who am I, your accountant?

RATING: 63%

The Original Star Wars Trilogy

#36 on Glenn's Top 100 Movie List

Well, duh I guess. We can all acknowledge that the prequel trilogy is pretty bad, from any point of view. Politics, trade disputes, whining, Jar Jar, almost no humor or any other emotion, senate disagreements, kid Boba Fett, UGH. But the original trilogy is still amazing because it never takes itself seriously, and also has the voice of Han Solo winking at the audience about how ridiculous a movie about laser swords and furry monkeys flying space ships is. They're still great fun even if Boba Fett gets eaten by some stupid hole in the ground (Spoilers).

RATING: 93%

The Abominable Snowman (Yeti)

Unfortunately I don't live in a climate where I could possibly run into an Abominable Snowman, and that pretty much sucks. You have to travel to Nepal or something for that. Look kids, believing in the Yeti is a little embarrassing in the 21st century. By now someone should have caught him/her, or we should have just a slightly decent picture that warrants real consideration. I'd like to make up some bullshit one day about a monster that doesn't really exist, and send people thousands of miles around the world to look for it. But for the sake of argument let's assume this beast exists. I generally think it's really misunderstood and probably just looking for attention. And if there is really such a thing then maybe global warming isn't so bad because it will have to come out of hiding when the snow melts. I think everyone should just learn to look on the bright side of things sometimes.

RATING: 68%

Lego Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy

You might think this video game is stupid, and I guess it kind of is, but it's also really hilarious, and pretty fun for a 3D platformer. I wouldn't say it's the greatest and most fun game of all time, but I got it used for cheap and there's a ton of secrets to find. So if you've played pretty much every other game you feel like playing then maybe give this one a shot, who am I your mother?

RATING: 66%