Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, based on the novelty song of the same name, has real first draft vibes. It takes place in Cityville, the bad guy is the CEO of a company called the Own-All Corporation and there's an evil lawyer named I.M. Slime. It's not exactly sophisticated material. In the special, Grandma does in fact get run over by a reindeer. She survives but gets amnesia as a result of the accident. Santa then takes her to the North Pole for medical treatment. Meanwhile, back in Cityville, greedy Cousin Mel uses Grandma's disappearance as an opportunity to trick Grandpa into signing over power of attorney. Cousin Mel then kidnaps Grandma, tries to sell the family store to Austin Bucks and has Santa arrested. Because what kid in the early 2000s wouldn't want to watch their favorite late-70s novelty Christmas song get turned into an animated legal dramedy?

Rating: Fruit Cake%

Star Trek:The Next Generation - "A Matter Of Perspective"

Riker gets accused of being inappropriate with a scientist's wife (believable) and then murdering that scientist (less believable) so they get to do a space court episode.

RATING: 66%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Measure Of A Man"

Some dicky scientist tries to say Data is Starfleet property so they have a big dramatic space court battle to decide if he is sentient or not.

RATING: 90%

Star Trek - "Court Martial"

Kirk gets accused of murdering a disgruntled crewman so they get to have one of those fancy court room dramas that are way more interesting than any real world trial in all of human history.

RATING: 77%

Enterprise S2E7 - "The Seventh"

An episode where Enterprise toys with the political didactic I love in Trek, T'Pol hunts down a Vulcan who became a smuggler. He claims to be innocent and it seems like the show is criticizing America's then obsession with extralegal capturing of terrorism suspects but the dude turns out to be guilty so I guess it's actually praising those actions. Booooo.


RATING: 27%

Magna Carta

Once upon a time there was a such thing as kings and queens, and I guess there still is. But in merry old England some richos decided that it would probably be a good idea if kings and queens had to follow laws and shit, so they busted out a case of Keystone Light and drafted the hell out of the Magna Carta. This flimsy piece of paper also guaranteed certain inalienable rights for the citizens of England, so it turns out the Founding Fathers of America were just a bunch of plagiarizing assholes. Anyway, that doesn't matter because all the best countries don't even have kings, like Canada, USA, Afghanistan, Rwanda, East Timor, etc.

RATING: 83%

Justice Antonin Scalia

Never before has the Supreme Court had a Justice quite as crazy as good ole Scalia (or at least so far as I can tell after 1.5 semesters of law school). He's one of my favorite Justices because of the way he makes me laugh, cry, and want to stab people (mostly conservatives). He doesn't believe in the idea of a Living Constitution, so all of his opinions can be summed up like this: This is the law, and the law don't change. That makes for easy exam prep b/c if you ever forget what one of his dissents said you can just guess that and you will always be right. Also, when the Texas sodomy law was struck down, he argued that the government should be allowed to make laws against not only bigamy, incest, and bestiality, but also masturbation. So watch out for the police if Scalia gets his way, because they are coming for your hairy palms!