Showing posts with label dry heaves. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dry heaves. Show all posts

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Natural American Spirit Cigarettes

Natural American Spirit cigarettes supposedly have no additives. I doubt this makes them any better for you in the long run, but it certainly helps with hangovers. I smoke when I drink (usually about 5-15 cigarettes), and I used to get horrible hangovers, but I after I switched to this brand I noticed next-day headaches and nausea became about 70% less harsh. I've heard people say that cigarette smoke contributes equally or more to a bad hangover than booze itself (research suggests that both vices produce scary levels of acetaldehyde in the human body), and I believe it. Be that as it may, there's something about these cigarettes, even if they don't actually taste so great. If you like to drink and you're dumb enough to smoke you should give them a try, or just quit altogether before you get cancer or arteriosclerosis.

RATING: 90% if you're going to smoke anyway, 0% if you aren't.

(Image from www.ethicalshopping.com.)

Saturday, January 3, 2009

That Fucking Bowflex Ad

I was watching the New Year's Day Corner Gas-athon and this advertisement ran about 300 times. It's the one in which the fake-tanned, rat-faced douchebag who recently lost 75 lbs poses shirtless indoors with a surfboard and sunglasses and says contemptuously, "I gave all my fat clothes to my fat friends."

I bet they really appreciated that, you smug piece of shit.

Also, "Be strong, be fit, be Bowflex" is a really stupid slogan. Wouldn't "Get strong, get fit, get Bowflex" make a little more ontological sense?

RATING: Bowflex: I don't know because my fat ass has never used one%
That guy: should be shot in the stomach and buried alive%

(Image from www.courier-journal.com.)

Monday, July 14, 2008

Dry Heaves

Maybe you ate the wrong food, got too drunk, or just got a virus, but you all know how much dry heaves suck. Just when you've finished emptying your stomach's contents with acid, you keep on heaving, but nothing comes out. Then, your head and whole body start throbbing. It's probably one of the worst feelings ever (okay, it's relative). In those dire few moments sometimes I think it might not ever end, and that my head might explode from all the blood rushing to it. Obviously, that hasn't happened yet. Yet.

RATING: 3%