Child's Play

A new multimedia hit doll (Buddi, but you know his real name!) hits the stores that has AI and controls stuff in your apartment sorta like a creepy Alexa. Well, Alexa's already creepy, but imagine she was a giant doll. How could that go wrong??? They undid the murderer-possession aspect from the original Child's Play and made it so a disgruntled worker turns off the "violence inhibitor," but this one is really fun. It does make me question my own grading system, which I swore never to overthink. Like, I *am* ranking it an 83%, which is higher than the original Child's Play, but I don't think it's going to stick in the collective consciousness as long as the original.

RATING: 83%

Cult of Chucky

Nica, the survivor from last movie, gets blamed for the murders and committed whenever she tries to tell people a doll did it. Now we're making sense! Of course Chucky figures out a way (Jennifer Tilly as Jennifer Tilly) to have himself mailed to the asylum, and Andy from the first movie shows up to try and save the day with guns. I really liked this movie, and hope they do another one in this timeline to wrap up the story since it sorta ends on a cliffhanger!

RATING: 79%

Curse of Chucky

A paraplegic woman and her mother get sent a nice little gift of a freaky doll named... well, you know who! It turns out the mother had some sort of connection to Charles Lee Ray, as we learn in some flashbacks that for some reason believe a wig and that's it will make Brad Dourif look 25 years younger. This one is more serious than the last two so it's a bit better, but how serious can you really make a movie about a killer Cabbage Patch Kid anyway? Good on Brad Dourif though for making a chance to work with his daughter happen (she's lead).

RATING: 53%

Seed of Chucky

Chucky and Tiffany's kid from the last second of the last movie is traveling around being a ventriloquist's dummy when he sees his long lost parents on tv. It turns out they're making a movie about the Chucky murders starring Jennifer Tilly! So the kid seeks out his parents, who once again get rebrought to life by some accidents and want to kill people and steal Jennifer Tilly's body. Anyway, the kid wrestles with if he wants to kill or not but of course he's way evil because his name is Glen with one 'n'! (My name is Glenn with two 'n's is the joke.)

RATING: 26%

Bride of Chucky

It's one year after the events of Child's Play 3 (though the movie came out seven years later), and Charles Lee Ray's ex manages to resurrect him into the sewn-together doll he's been possessing all these years. They have a kind of abusive relationship as you might expect from a couple murderers, so one thing leads to another and Chucky's girlfriend ends up in a doll body too. Then the race is on to get themselves back into human bodies so they terrorize some total strangers into taking them to New Jersey. It's got that sorta blue look that was so common to 1990s horror movies - seriously, what was up with that aesthetic? Was it Scream's fault?

RATING: 68%

Child's Play 3

It's eight years after the events of Child's Play 2 (though the movie came out less than a year later), and Andy is sent to military school because of his continued troubles. Ya know, you and I know that his doll really came to life twice and killed all those people, but dontcha think realistically a better place for Andy might be jail??? I mean, he's the only one with a connection to all these corpses! Anyway this one is pretty boring except for a cool final showdown in a haunted house ride.

RATING: 46%

Child's Play 2

In the aftermath of the murders of Child's Play 1 (better known as Child's Play), Andy's mom is committed, Andy is put into a foster home, and, oh yeah, the toy company rebuilds Chucky to prove he's not a murderer. Not a great move! Of course, nobody ever believes Chucky is actually a murderer until he's murderering them, which to be honest is reasonable.

RATING: 71%

Child's Play 1 review here!

Child's Play

I always wrote of this franchise as goofy pseudo horror, but I never actually sat down and watched the first one til the other day. It's good! Not that gory in the style of most mainstream 80s slashers, but great doll effects especially when he gets all burnt up. I imagine the late sequels don't get as bad as the late sequels of say Hellraiser, but that's a theory best left answered another October.

RATING: 76%