A Bionic Christmas Carol

After a devastating crash, astronaut Colonel Steve Austin's body is rebuilt with bionic appendages. He then reluctantly goes to work for OSI, the Office of Scientific Intelligence. His new boss at OSI, Oscar Goldman, sends Steve out on various covert missions. Recovering hostages, stopping terrorists, fighting Bigfoot. You know, boring government stuff. "A Bionic Christmas Carol" finds Steve investigating possible sabotage at a government contractor's facility. Instead of sabotage, Steve finds only the miserly Mr. Budge. While it turns out that Mr. Budge is not doing anything illegal, he is guilty of being a real prick. Forcing his employees to work through Christmas and treating his nephew, Bob Crandall, like shit. When Mr. Budge accidentally overdoses, Steve uses it as an opportunity to teach Mr. Budge the error of his ways. Come for the heartwarming story, stay for the sequence where Steve carves a tombstone from a slab using only karate chops.

Rating: Forgiveness%

The Karate Kid Remake

It's pointless these days to get upset about remakes of films from my childhood. As much as I enjoyed the original Karate Kid, it was only a matter of time before it got updated for today's youth market. But here's what I don't get: the movie is set in China and the kid learns kung fu from Jackie Chan. So, why isn't it called Kung Fu Kid? I'll tell you why. Apparently, in the remake, the Chinese antagonist to Will Smith Jr. calls him "the karate kid" mockingly because of his poor martial arts skills. And with that said, I've probably already devoted more time and consideration to this than anyone involved in the marketing campaign for the Karate Kid.

Rating: Sweep the leg Johnny%

(Image from wikipedia)