Wrestlemaniac

Some d-bags are driving around in Mexico looking for the perfect spot to shoot their porn movie. They decide on a ghost town that happens to be inhabited by a deranged former Mexican wrestler played rather stiffly by Rey Mysterio's dad. It's more gross than scary, but not gross enough to satisfy fans of that subgenre. The best thing about this movie is the hotness of Leyla Milani, but she is covered in blood too often for that to be too much of a factor.

Rating: 8%

John Cena

No one gets a crowd of ten year old boys more amped up, but truth is, he sucks. If you thought Hulk Hogan had a limited set of moves, wait till you see this Marky Markesque beast of a man lumber through a shoulder tackle for the eighteenth time in a match. I guess I can’t take a wrestler “seriously” unless he is wearing nut-hugging spandex. Loved his Gillette commercials though, gotta give him that.


Rating: 36%

The Wrestler

Mickey Rourke is Hulk Hogan or something. No, actually he's Randy "The Ram" Randinski, and he has lots of beautiful blond hair and his face is about to fall off. He's pretty much playing himself, but that's how some of the finest performances have come about.

This movie is SPOILER ALERT pretty good. It's predictable from the moment it begins, but not in a boring way, in sort of a "I can't wait until his daughter rejects him again and Marisa Tomei stops stripping and he dies at the end during this rematch that we've been waiting the whole movie to see" way that makes Oscar-nominated movies stay Oscary. It's worth seeing, but don't expect Requiem For A Dream.

Rating: 64 more lip collagen injections Mickey %